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A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" The doctor interrupts, "Nine..."
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WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument
when they feel they are right
and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to
describe how a woman looks -
this will cause you to have one of those
arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the
five minutes that your football
game is going to last before you take out the
trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means "something", and you should be on
your toes. "Nothing" is usually
used to describe the feeling a woman has of
wanting to turn you inside out,
upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually
signifies an argument that
will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman
getting upset over "Nothing"
and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want
because I don't care" You will
get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few
minutes, followed by "Nothing"
and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about
>"Five Minutes" when she cools
off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a
non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she
thinks you are an idiot at that
moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time
standing here and arguing
with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement.
"Soft Sighs" mean that she is
content. Your best bet is to not move or
breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements
that a woman can make to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think
long and hard before paying you
back
for whatever it is that you have done. "That's
Okay" is often used with the
word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised
Eyebrow.
GO AHEAD.
At some point in the near future, you are going
to be in some mighty big
trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A
woman is giving you the chance to
come up with whatever excuse or reason you have
for doing whatever it is that
you have done.You have a fair chance with the
truth, so be careful and you
shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say
you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman
will say, "Thanks A Lot" when
she is really ticked off at you. It signifies
that you have offended her in
some callous way, and will be followed by the
"Loud Sigh." Be careful not to
ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she
will only tell you "Nothing"
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Q: What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A: Woman doesn't accept 3 1/2 inch floppies.
_____
Two guys walk into a bar, and they both have black eyes. "How did you get your black eye?" asks the first guy. "Well, it was really a Freudian slip. You see, I was walking through the park one day when i saw a woman with three beautiful children. I walked up to her to compliment her children, but when I tried to say, 'You have some lovely kiddies,' I accidentally said, 'You have some lovely titties.' So she slapped me, and gave me this black eye. How did you get your black eye?" asked the second man. The first man replied, "Well, I too had a Freudian slip. I was sitting down to breakfast with my wife of thirty-two years, and I tried to say, 'Would you please pass the Cornflakes?' but instead I said, 'You ruined my life you ****ing *****.'"
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