Cameron - I just sent you a PM...

[750hp]

I don't really have anything more to add to this thread, but a blank message just doesn't seem right...

[Rebel1]

Ok but....

Can I add something to it?.

Cheers

[750hp]

Anything as long as it's not "0".

[Rebel1]

0

Ner ner nerner ner

[boxhead]

1

[Cameron Parsons]

Craig,

how about 'A', at least we will be closer to the mark.

& Thanks

Cameron

[cameron02]

Nope, I cant think of anything to add.

[Rebel1]

I've seriously considered my options of reply given the severity of the question.

Herewith my comment....

2

[750hp]

You guys are unbelievable......

B

The clock is ticking.
I have a $250 discount available.
Getting exciting !!!
Profligate?
$1 it is then....

(Isn't it fun to think that Les does not have a single clue as to what we're talking about. It'll be tearing him up inside )

[Cameron Parsons]

C

prof·li·gate (adj.)

- Recklessly wasteful; wildly extravagant.
n.
A profligate person; a wastrel.

[Aussie Mike]

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary.

A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with an infamous underworld figure who went by the name of Artie.

Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.00. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid something up front. The husband opened up his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Woolworth's Supermarket. There, he surprised her in the Fruit and Veg Department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the Manager of the Fruit and Veg department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene.

Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the Manager as well. Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hiddencameras and observed by the store's Security Guard, who immediately called the police.

Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared:-



v


v


[You're going to hate me for this]


v

v


ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT WOOLIES

[cameron02]

Well Mike,

You have just hijacked a very important and topical thread

Very funny joke though.

[Shelby400]

Is it light humour you want, try this.


A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails. Very grudgingly, he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.


As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right next to him. They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place. They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!" He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails on the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said - "Come on guys, we're almost there!"

[Aussie Mike]

Very Funny Brett

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.

"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."

"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

[Tenrocca]

Bill gates joke #2 (in an effort to boost my post count and get to that magic 100 number)

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter said to his, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go". So, Bill takes a look at hell and see's these beautiful women running around, in 80 degree temperature, on beautiful beaches. Then he took a look at heaven and it was nice, you know harps and singing and worship and stuff like that. So he said to St. Peter that he would like to go to hell. About a week later, St. Peter went down to hell to check on Bill. There he saw him, being whipped by demons. He said to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautifull women, and the beaches and the 80 degree temperature?" Peter replied, "That was just the screen saver."

[Aussie Mike]

Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell.

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive colloseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.

Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delilght, he sees a PC in the corner.

Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.


Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't!"

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys!"

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete!"

[cameron02]

Good stuff guys,

Hey Tenroca, I reckon your punchline should be "Scream Saver"

[Cameron Parsons]

D

Because