The POOL ROOM

[Baz]

A Highway Patrolman pulls over a car for speeding. The officer informs the male driver that his speed has been checked at 140kph in a 100kph zone.

The driver replies, "Christ officer. I had it on Cruise Control at 100. Perhaps your radar needs calibrating?" Not looking up from her knitting, his wife who was a passenger in the front of the vehicle says,"Now don't be silly dear. You know this car doesn't have Cruise Control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,"Can't you keep your bloody mouth shut for once.?"

The wife looks back at him and says, "You should be thankful that your Radar Detector went off when it did." As the officer writes up the next ticket for the 'Illegal radar Detector', the driver looks at his wife and through clenched teeth says, "Damn it woman. I've just told you to keep your bloody mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and then says, "Sir. I also noticed that you weren't wearing your seat belt when I pulled you over? That's another automatic fine." The driver replied," Yeah well you see ****stable, I had it on, but took it off as you were walking up to my car so as I could get my license out of my wallet which was in my back pocket." The wife pipes up and says, "Now dear. You know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear a seat belt when your driving." As the officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and yells," For once and for all, shut your bloody mouth or I'll shut it for you."

The officer then looks at the women and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you like that Ma'am? The wife replies, "No. Only when he's been drinking heavily."

[jcraigau]

[deano59]

im not into drag racing as much as other motor sports ok I will be honest it bores me to tears but I truly appreciate the engineering that goes into the cars to make them go .
one of my sponsors owns his own engine shop and does a lot of machining for the drag guys so I have gotten to see what goes into some of the engines and it's mind blowing how much money goes into some of the engines .
not my cup of tea but I suspect speedway and dirt circuit racing is not everyone else's cup of tea either .

cheers dean

[Rob. Smith]

There's all sorts of motor sports and all sorts of preferences...I've just become strangely interested in land speed racing....I'll never get to Bonneville but HOTROD magazine feeds me lots of good stuff. The technology in that stuff is up there with top fuel. Then there's pikes peak ! Daytona ... Fink ... man ..machines are the word !

[leroy17]

Here is a potential collectors item with loosly documented history in the photos.

1998 Hyundai Excel Sprint Twin Cam

[Rog246]

Why aren't there more ads out there that are a true & honest representation of the vehicles fine qualities.
And testimonials how great was that ?

[Rog246]

Well the mountain had a bit of everything today-It sure wasn't short on drama today.
Some almost unbelievable driving, topped off but a FORD coming from stone motherless last to win on the last lap I kinda see the irony of Ford winning in the last couple of years-It would be fantastic for them to do it again next year, particularly if Ambrose wins it for DJR/Penske Racing !!
If I won it in a Ford (fat Chance of that......nargh-just Fat !!) I'd probably make a bigger dill of myself during the winners interview by saying FORD--WTF ??!
All in all a good result and a race filled to the brim with drama & excitment.

[Rog246]

A young Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant."

He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"

She said, "I think it must have been the second coming."

The priest, shocked by this reply, asked, "What makes you think this has anything to do with the Second Coming?"

She replied, "Because I swallowed the first one!!"

[Rog246]

For those who appreciate Dark Humour​!

Oscar wanted to get a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.

Oscar clearly misunderstood when his girlfriend told him that on
Valentine's Day he had to take her out.

If he gets off this charge it will be the closest shave anyone has had
with only 2 blades.

His lawyer's got a hard job ahead of him. Realistically, it looks like
Pistorius hasn't got a leg to stand on.

Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty due to temporary diminished
responsibility. He claims he was legless at the time of the incident.

Whatever happens in court, he still has a career. The IOC say he's a
front runner at the next Olympics for pistol shooting.

Police reconstruction indicates that Pistorius lost it when, for
his Valentine's Day gift, his girlfriend gave him a pair of socks.

New Valentine's Day card: "Roses are red, violets are glorious. Never
creep up on Oscar Pistorius."

Looks like he has an expensive lawyer. I hope he can foot the bill.

New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely
acquits him of his girlfriend's murder … footprints !

She didn't notice Oscar stalking her.. It was the silence of the limbs.

And finally,

Anyone making jokes about Oscar Pistorius is just prosthetic!

[letsboogie351]

[letsboogie351]

Record Breaker: 18 Wheeler Jumps Over F1 Race Car! (Video) - YouTube

[Rog246]

Ferkin' hell !

[leroy17]

Hope I am not alone on this but I just could not stop laughing.

Go to the start.

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F9jXYOH2c0&list=RD8F9jXYOH2c0#t=297[/ame]

[letsboogie351]

Last night my wife sent me a text, saying she was in casualty.

When I got home I watched all 50 minutes of it,................ never saw her once,

She still hasn't come home yet. I'm starving.

[Rog246]

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well, however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.
Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon, from the nurse in the Ford Explorer you pulled over last week."
Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?

[deano59]

wrong thread

[deano59]

scored a ripper roll cab today I was in a friends workshop when a sales rep came in with a couple of these at the right price so I grabbed one for the shed I can finally put all my stuff in the one place . I reckon I will need a forklift tow tow it around the shed .

I just noticed my shed ***** buddy had photo bombed the shot

[letsboogie351]

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer

negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from

$250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer the negligee, the higher the price.
Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks, 'I have an idea.

It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll

do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they’d at least iron it!'

[Rog246]

PILLOW TALK:


"Oh I say Queenie, isn't it jolly dashed decent of that colonial chappie to give me a knighthood?"
"Oh yes rather Philly. Isn't he the chap the Orstralians say is a badger smuggler. It makes one think why on earth would one want to smuggle a badger?"
"Oh yes Queenie - it does sound a frightful bore. The dashed thing is that we will have to give him a title in return."
"I know Philly - we can make him a knight of the order of the Royal Brown Nose."
"A jolly capital idea Queenie - we can dub him 'Sir Pository'."
"Oh that is super Philly - I am slightly amused."

(letter to the Guardian)

[deano59]

PILLOW TALK:


"Oh I say Queenie, isn't it jolly dashed decent of that colonial chappie to give me a knighthood?"
"Oh yes rather Philly. Isn't he the chap the Orstralians say is a badger smuggler. It makes one think why on earth would one want to smuggle a badger?"
"Oh yes Queenie - it does sound a frightful bore. The dashed thing is that we will have to give him a title in return."
"I know Philly - we can make him a knight of the order of the Royal Brown Nose."
"A jolly capital idea Queenie - we can dub him 'Sir Pository'."
"Oh that is super Philly