Joke of the Day...

[dave from mesa]

Michigan Hunting Laws

A Coloradan and a Michigander were hunting in the UP when
an illegal alien runs across the field.

The Michigander takes careful aim, shoots, and kills him.

"You can't do that!" cried the Coloradan.

"No, no, it's legal here in Michigan " replies the Michigander.

Later that night the Coloradan goes and buys some beer and
puts it on the roof of his truck to open the door.

Just then an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer, and runs away.

The Coloradan thinks "No problem" draws his pistol, shoots, and kills him.

As he is getting his beer the police come and arrest him.

"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in
Michigan !" protests the Coloradan.

"Well yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."

[aa909]

Old Joke attributed to Shelby:
When you start a German car, it says, "Yes, sir, where would you like to go, sir?"
When you start an Italian car, it says, "Hey, let's go have some fun, eh?"
And when you start a Shelby, it says, "F*#K YOU! I'm going to KILL you!"

[CoolCarl]

Biology Class - final exam

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk', worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers... and the cat can't get it.

He got an A.

[Ralphy]

He was repeatedly told that smoking kills ...

[MRGEORGE077]

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London and attended by some of the best linguists in the world Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner. His final challenge was this:

Some say there is no difference between �COMPLETE� and "FINISHED". Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.

Here is his astute answer:

"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes

[Hydramada]

Flyin Freddie Rice started this thread way way back in 2001. I miss having that crazy bastard around.

[BAsque1]

Old German Shepper:
A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa , taking his
faithful, elderly German Shepherd along for the trip.


One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long,
discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading
rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.


The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!'
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down
to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the
leopard is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy,
that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around
here?'


Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of
terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the
leopard, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'


Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby
tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for
protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd
sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that
something must be up.


The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes
a deal for himself with the leopard.


The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here,
monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving
canine!


Now, the old German Shepherd sees the leopard coming with the monkey on
his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of
running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he
hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the
old German Shepherd says...

'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another
leopard!


Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always overcome youth
and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

[FWB]

so Lou...why did the old dog get lost again? lol

[diverrick]

I was down in So cal with my dumb Axx brother in law. We decided to go see the Le Brea tar pits.
While we were looking at that mess of ancient bone and tar, I hear my brother in law say "Hummm?"
I asked him what was he thinking about, and he replies
"I didn't know dinosaurs came this close to the city."

Here's your sign.

[BLACKJACK]

That reminds me of one - - -

Several years ago my (now ex) mother-in-law was sitting out by our swimming pool. We were observing a beautiful autumn moon. I commented on its magnificence and she replied - - - "We have one just like that in Pittsburgh". This answered a lot of questions about my (now ex) wife.

No - neither off them were blondes - - not really anyway - - they were impostors - posing as blondes.

It also explains (in some small part) why they are ex's

Y'all have a really great day.

Blackjack

[CHP2RA]

Which car is the most fun to drive fast?





A rental car.