Joke of the Day...

[Dave Samson]

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change, and would only get one by marrying a virgin male close to her age.

She took out ads in newspapers around the world seeking a male virgin who was 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choice to an Australian computer programmer. After a thorough background check, she was satisfied that he had indeed never been with a woman and they were married.

On their wedding night, she went into the bathroom to change into her nightie.

When she came back out, she found that her new husband had taken the bed, and everything in the room, and stacked it in one corner of the room.

Thinking this was rather kinky, she said to her husband, "I thought you had never been with a woman."

He replied, "That's true, but if it's anything like sex with a kangaroo, we're going to need all the room we can get!"

[Flyin_Freddie]

...but the judges have ruled this one is too similar to BTSnake's post and have disqualified your post.

BTSnake...would you like to sue Dave for possible "trade dress infringement"?

[CobraDan]

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl. It's a po-lice roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
Just let me do the talkin,' OK?", said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each stuck a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir," said Earl. "We's on the patch

[BT SNAKE]

Three gay guys were killedin a horrible car wreck. All their
lovers were at the funeral services where the bodies had been
cremated. The first lover says to the other two. "My bobby was
so fond of fishing I think I will spead his ashes on his
favorite lake". Then the second lover says " My Tony really
enjoyed flying so I'm gonna take his ashes up in an airplane
and scatter them in the wind."
The third lover looks at the other two for a minute then says
" My willie was such a great lover. I'm going to go home and
make the biggest and hottest pot of chili I can. Then I'm
gonna stir his ashes in it and eat a big bowl full so that man
can tear my a$$hole up one more time!"

Hersh

[ERA535]

Jamo et al,
That attempt at humor was out of line.
Sorry.

ERA000

[Jamo]

ERA 534.999999999999999
Surely you gest--what "line"????? (probably a good move editing, though)

[mr0077]

A cowboy was riding across the plains when he spied an indian tending his flock of sheep, with his dog and his horse at his side. The cowboy rode up, got off his horse and said hello. They talked for awhile, and the cowboy asked if he could talk to the indian's dog. The indian said, "Dog no talk." The cowboy turned to the dog and said, "Hi, how are you?", and the dog said, "I'm just great." The cowboy proceeded to have a short conversation with the dog about the indian, and how well he treated the dog. The indian was stunned!
The cowboy then asked the indian if he could talk to his horse. The indian said, "Horse no talk." But the cowboy turned to the horse and carried on a short conversation about the indian, and how well he treated the horse; again, the indian watched in amazement!
The cowboy then asked, "Do you mind if I talk to some of the sheep?", to which the indian replied, "Sheep lie."

[BT SNAKE]

A guy walks into a bar and orders two martinis. The
bartender brings both martinis over and sets them down.
The bartenders says "hey Mack you don't have to order
two drinks at once, I'll bring you a fresh one when you finish."
"Oh no, it's not that. It's for my friend here." The man
commence to remove a 6" man from his pocket that quickly
went up to the martini glass an proceeded to drink.
"Wow!" exclaimed the bartender. "Is he for real?"
"Yeah, he's real alright. That's by best friend Frank.
" Well can he talk?" asked the bartender.
Why sure he can exclaimed the man. "Hey Frank tell the
bartender about that time we were in Africa and you
told that witch doctor to get F**ked.

Hersh

[Dave Samson]

A father in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, makes

a turn at a red light where it isn't allowed. "Uh-oh, I just

made an illegal turn!" the man said.


"That's OK Dad," the son says, "The police car right behind us

did the same thing."

[Dave Samson]

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured by inserting a suppository up his anal passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him a second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours.

So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds that he cannot reach himself properlyto obtain the required depth. He calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home. Suddenly the man screams, "DAMN!" "What's the matter?" asked the wife, "Did I hurt you?"

"No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulder."

[CobraDan]

A man with a speech impedement walks into a hardware store and says,"Do you have any ****ets?'"
The clerk says, "Any what?"
Again he says any ****ets.
She replies, "You mean buckets?"
He says, "Yes."
She shows him where they are, he buys his buckets and leaves.
Next he goes to the drug store and says, "Do you have any bum?"
The clerk says, "Any what?"
He again says, "Any bum."
She replies, "You mean gum?"
He says, "Yes."
She shows him where the gum is, he buys his gum and leaves.
Next he goes to the pet shop, walks up to the clerk and asks, "Do you have any cock and spankets?"
She says, "Any what?"
He again says, "Cock and spankets."
She says, "You mean Cocker Spaniel's?"
He says, "Yes."
She shows him where they are, he buys one and walks out.
He is walking his dog through the park, when suddenly the dog gets lose.
He runs up to a man sitting on a bench and says, "Will you hold my bum and ****et, while I go get my cock and spanket."

[ERA535]

The girl goes to her daddy in Arkansas and asks if she can borrow the car. She is told "yes, but only if you give me a BJ" So she gets to it but stops quickly and says " daddy! your dick tastes like ****!" Her dad says " I know, your brother wanted to borrow the car last night".

[mr0077]

The old man from Arkansas had just finished having sex with his 12-year old daughter. He rolled off and said, "God, you're better'n the old lady!", to which the girl said, "Yeah, I know, that's what Junior says, too!"

[ERA535]

Bob Putnam is going to ask the ERA owners to quit this pedophilic tack we seem to be on......it may devalue the product

[mr0077]

535,
If not devalue the product, it may give an insight into the character of their clientele...
That one WAS kinda low...
0077

[Dave Samson]

Hang on, pedophilia is not a product, it's a way of life

[Gordon Claunch]

Yeah, there's a reason their called JOKES!!

[Jamo]

DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU WIN! THOSE EYES ARE DRIVING ME NUTS--AWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Turk]

Turk LITE would like the general readership to know that this is another thread I made NO contribution to.
It is this bad all on it's own, with NO help from me.

The threads I participate don't wait to be 6 pages long before they stink. It is easily accomplished by the 5th or 6th post, only if you have the right players.

I have a few of my own but I won't post not until I subject them to a focus group during our trip to Provo.
The ones I can post are in poorer taste than some already displayed in here. Keep up the good work!

TURK

[65cobra427]

Don't know if this one has been told before, but I ain't gonna read 16 pages of this to find out...

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and an Army Command Sergeant Major were out on a joint exercise in the field... The Army CSM looks at the Air Force CMS and stated, "Chief, I gotta take a dump"...

The Air Force Chief looks at him and sez, "It's ok Sergeant Major, just go befind the bushes over there."

To which the CSM reponds, "But Chief, I don't have any toliet paper!"

The Chief asks, "Do you have a dollar?"

Csm quickly anwers, "Sure"

The Chief says, "well use it."

Five minutes later the CSM returns shaking $hit out of his hand and the Chief asks what happened.

The Army CSM responds, "Have you ever tried to wipe yourself with 3 quarters, 2 dimes & a nickel?"



Who says there isn't Army inteligence???