Joke of the Day...

[CobraDan]

A man goes to visit his grandfather in the hospital.

"How are you, Grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?", asks the grandson.
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?"
"No problem at all -- nine hours solid every night. At 10:00, they bring me
a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet.....and that's it. I go out like
a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to
the floor operation counter to question the Sister Superior in charge.

"What are you people doing?", asks the grandson. "I'm told you're giving my
95 year old grandfather Viagra on a daily basis. Surely, that can't be
true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10:00 we give him a cup of
hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot
chocolate makes him sleep like a baby and the Viagra stops him from rolling
out of bed."

[CobraDan]

A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station.
Bell 1 rings, and we all put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings, and we all slide down the pole.
Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the truck.
From now on, we're going to run this house same way.
When I say bell 1, I want you to strip naked.
When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed.
When I say bell 3, we're going to make love all night!"
The next night the fireman came home from work. He yelled,
"Bell 1!" His wife took off her clothes.
"Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed.
"Bell 3," and they began to make love.
After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"
"What's this Bell 4?" the husband asks.
"More hose," she replies, "you're nowhere near the fire!"

[Flyin_Freddie]

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called 'Poles', why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes'?

3. Why do we say something is out of 'whack'? What's a 'whack'?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'broker'?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a 'pianist', but a person who drives a race car not called a 'racist'?

12. Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?

13. Why do 'overlook' and 'oversee' mean opposite things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced 'onety-one'?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me, they're cramming for their final exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime who lives next door went nuts.

28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

30. Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is 'NAIVE'?

31. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

32. OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

33. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

[CobraDan]

While vacationing in the hills of Alabama, the big city man discovered that he had no writing paper at all for his personal correspondence.
He went into the small town nearby and found only an old-fashioned country store.
Behind the counter was a really nice looking young lass, quite obviously a local farm girl.
He asked, "Do you keep stationery?"
"Well," she giggled, "I can...until I have an orgasm, then I just go plain wild and crazy!"

[Hotfingrs]

Jim and Roger were patients in a Mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped in to the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.
Roger promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Rogers heroic act he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Roger the news he said, "Roger, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Roger replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

[Hotfingrs]

I would like to encourage each and everyone of you to seriously consider the charity described below.
Now that the holiday season has passed, please look into your heart to help those in need.

Enron executives in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level.

More tragic, they will be deprived of it as a result of the bankruptcy and current SEC investigation. But now, you can help! For only $20,835 a month*, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an Enron executive remain economically viable during his time of need.

Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an Enron exec it could mean the difference between vacationing in Fiji and owning it. It will enable him or her to trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari without jeopardizing those jealously guarded "retirement" accounts in Switzerland and the Caymans. To you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than rent, a car note, or a second mortgage payment.

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the exec you sponsor. Detailed information about his/ her stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Imagine the joy as you watch your executive's portfolio grow exponentially--and that's just his disclosed assets!

Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive a photo of the exec (unsigned) - for a signed photo, please include an additional $50.00. Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other people's suffering.

Your Enron exec will be told that he/she has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the exec won't know your name, he or she will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses. And there will be those. As poor Mrs. Ley so sincerely reported, her husband somehow managed to misplace over $100 million that he received in just the last 2 years. Stephen King couldn't script a scenario more frightening.

I'd write more, but I'm having trouble seeing through my tears. Thank you for your expression of love.

SALLY STRUTHERS

*Per special regulation passed in closed session this past year, contributions are tax-deductible only to recipients.

[renaissance man]

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning to do its own, entitled Survivor, Texas Style. The contestants will start in Dallas, travel to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, onto El Paso, then to Midland, Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they'll proceed to Abilene, Ft. Worth and finally back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads,
"I'm gay, I'm a vegetarian, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns!"

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive, wins!

[RTTAB]

That time O the Month

Hormone hostage


Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet
of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.


DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?


DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!


DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.


DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?


DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.

RTTAB

[CobraDan]

Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously over looked something.

Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

Join the Army, meet interesting people and kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

Change is inevitable ... except from vending machines.

A fool and his money are soon partying. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

[Hotfingrs]

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?


If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then, H A R D W O R K

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But, A T T I T U D E

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And, B U L L S H I T

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%



So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bull**** will put you over the top.

[Hotfingrs]

(smirk, offense=muslims, forwarded)




To ensure we Americans never offend anyone--particularly fanatics intent on killing us--airport screeners are not allowed to profile people. They will, however, continue to perform random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail, and 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips.
Let's pause a moment and take the following test...


In 1972, 11 Israeli athletes were killed at the Munich Olympics by:
(a) Grandma Moses;
(b) The night cleaning crew at Rockefeller Center;
(c) Invaders from Mars; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.


In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Norwegians from the Lichen Herbarium of the University of Oslo;
(b) Elvis;
(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.


In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A pizza delivery boy;
(b) Crazed feminists complaining that having to throw a grenade
beyond its own burst radius in basic training was an unfair and
sexist job requirement;
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.


In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in "Godfather 2";
(b) The Tooth Fairy;
(c) Butch and Sundance, who had a few sticks of dynamite left over
from their train mission; or,
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.


In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed by:
(a) The entire cast of "Cats";
(b) Martha Stewart;
(c) Cheese-crazed tourists from Wisconsin; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.


In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania a were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers;
(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems;
(c) The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain:
"Mustapha the Merciless"; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.


On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wil E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd.
(b) The US Supreme Court,
(c) Barney; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.




Hmmm...nope, ain't no patterns here. Darned if I know why we should ever even think about profiling.

[CobraDan]

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he asks says that she is the pharmacist and that she and her
sister own the store, so there are no male pharmacists employed
there. She asks if there is something that she can help the gentleman with.

The man says that it is something that he would be much more comfortable
discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assures him that she is completely professional and whatever it is that he needs to discuss, he can be confident that she will treat him with the highest level of professionalism and
dignity.

The man agrees and says, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have
a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe
embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?" The
pharmacist says, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returns, she says, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we
can do is 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.

[CobraDan]

Every morning, Bill Clinton would take a jog
near his home in NY State.

And on each run, he happened to jog past a
prostitute standing on the same street corner,
day after day. Apprehensive, he would brace
himself as he approached her for what was most
certainly about to follow.

"Fifty dollars! " she would shout from the curb.

"No. Five dollars!"fired back Clinton. This
ritual between the ex-prez and the hooker
continued for several days. He'd run by. She'd
holler, "Fifty dollars"

He'd yell back, "Five dollars! "

One day, Hillary decided that she wanted to
accompany her husband on his jog. As the
jogging couple neared the now infamous street
corner, Bill suddenly realized the "pro" would
bark her $50 offer for all to hear (including
Hillary) and he would have to come up with a
very good explanation for his wife, the junior
Senator.

As they jogged into the turn that would take
them past her, Bill became overcome with
anxiety on how to handle the situation.

Sure enough there she was standing where she
always did. Bill tried to evade the
streetwalker's eyes as she looked up at the
jogging executives.

Then from the sidewalk, she yelled to Bill:
"Is that what you get for five bucks?"

[CobraDan]

In life there are two things to worry about: either you are well or you are sick.
If you are well then there is nothing to worry about, but if you are sick there are only two things to worry about: either you get well or you die.
If you get well then there is nothing to worry about. But if you die there are only two things to worry about: either you will go to heaven or to hell.
If you go to heaven then there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends you won't have time to worry.

[Hotfingrs]

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little
more than 500 employees
and has the following statistics:

29 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2
businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which
organization this is?

Give up yet?







It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each
year designed to keep
the rest of us in line.

[CobraDan]

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree
begins to grow between them. The beech says to the birch:

"Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is
a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.

He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is,
however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.

[renaissance man]

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit, the Frog, appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house, where the news stations film the group singing "We Shall Overcome."

Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-GrasshopperAct, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parentwelfare recipients. The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happen to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house,now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once-peaceful neighborhood.

"Just a thought to ponder."

[CobraDan]

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to
Boston. They're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop
for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room,
but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get
back on the road. When they check out four hours later,
the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is
so high.He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel,
the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate,
the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the
man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-
sized pool and a huge conference center that were
available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them", the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in
one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.
"The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood
and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows,"
complains the man again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions,
the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up
and agrees to pay. He writes a Manager is surprised when he looks at the check.
"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for
sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

[CobraDan]

An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in.

The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"

The old timer said, "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out chasing turkeys up and down the mountains."

The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive?

How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and, in fact, he hunted turkey with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive... he's a turkey hunter."

The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"

The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather' still living! How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He's 118 yrs old."

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went turkey hunting with you this morning too."

The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."

The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"

The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"

[Stan Brown]

A golfer in Ireland hit a bad hook into the woods.
Looking for the
ball, he discovered a Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head,
and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer took his water
bottle
from his belt and poured it over the little green guy, reviving him.

"Arrgh! Wha happen?" the leprechaun says. "Oh, I see. Waal, ye got me
fair and square. Ye get three wishes. Whaddya want?"

"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't
want anything. I'm glad you're okay, and I apologize. I didn't mean to hit
you." And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the leprechaun says to himself. "But it was fair and
square that he got me, and I have to do something for him.! I'll give him
three things I would want --- a great golf game, all the money he ever
needs,
and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by (as it does in jokes like this) and the golfer is back,
hits another bad ball into the woods and finds the leprechaun waiting for
him. "'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I
wanted to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

"That's the first bad ball I've hit in a year! I'm a famous
international golfer now," the golfer answers. "By the way, it's good to see
you're all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thakee. I did that fer yer golf game. And tell me,
how's yer money?"

"Why, I win fortunes in golf. But if I need cash, I just reach in my
pocket and pull out $100 bills all day long."

" I did that fer ye. And how's yer sex life?"

"The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly,
"Errr, all right, I suppose."

"C'mon, c'mon now. I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a
day?" Blushing even more, the golfer whispers, "Once -sometimes twice a
week."

"What!" says the leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Once or twice a
week?"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not too bad for a Catholic
priest in a small parish."