Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

What is the California smog test?
Can UCLA

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What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur Traders.

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You stink so bad you make Right Guard turn left, Speed Stick slow down,
Secret obvious, and Sure confused.




On his recent tour of New Zealand, the Pope took a couple of days out of his
itinerary for an impromptu visit to the wild outdoors of the far North of
New Zealand.

Way up on desolate Ninety Mile beach, near the mouth of the Te Paki Stream,
safe in his 4X4 Pope-mobile, his entourage came upon an enormous commotion
in the water. They rushed to see what it was about and upon approaching the
scene the Pope noticed a hapless man in the surf wearing a Wallabies rugby
jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a sixteen
foot shark.

Almost immediately a speedboat containing three men wearing All Black
jerseys roared into view from beyond the surf line. One of the men took aim
and fired a harpoon into the sharks' head, immobilizing it instantly. The
other two reached down and pulled the Aussie from the water and using long
clubs, finished the shark off.

They bundled the bleeding, semi conscious man into the speedboat along with
the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard
frantic shouting from the shore. It was of course the Pope. He summoned them
to the beach.

When they reached the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and
said, "I give you my best Papal blessing for your brave actions. I had heard
that there is a racist xenophobic divide between Australia & New Zealand,
but, now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true. I can see that
your societies are true examples of racial harmony and could serve as a
model on which other nations could follow." He blessed them all and drove
off in a cloud of dust.

As he departed, the harpoonist turned the other Kiwis and asked: 'Who the
bloody hell was that???!"

"That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact
with God and has access to all God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpoonist replied, "he knows bugger all about shark fishing!
Now - how's that bait holding up, or do we need to get another one?"















A French cook believed people would enjoy rabbit. He decided
to raise rabbits. But he could not find a good place. Finally,
a priest said he could have a small area behind the cathedral.
There he raised his rabbits, and when he went about Paris
selling them, he was asked where he got such fresh rabbits.
The cook replied, "I raise them myself. In fact, I have a
hutch back of Notre Dame."













Our school cafeteria was having a discipline problem. Some of the
older
children while waiting in line to be served were taking snacks from the
plates of the younger children who were already eating. This was
solved
by sending anyone taking food from a younger child to the back of the
room where they would have to wait until after everyone else was
served
before they could be served. A warning was posted. What did it say?

He who has a taste shall be last











You just may be a nymphomaniac if...

. You become a Vaseline spokesperson.
. Having two tampons in at the same time doesn't bother you.
. You go through a Sealyä Mattress every week.
.Frederick of Hollywood actually comes to your door himself...just to see
where 1/2 of his orders go.
. You have to go across the border for a Pap Smear.
. When they change your area code to 976.
. Tetracycline is your best friend.
. McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal".
. It takes 2 douches and a spatula at shower time.
. When you've got a "Take a Number" machine at your door.
. When you get hemorrhoids on you shoulders.
. Your day starts and ends by rolling over.
. When the sperm bank calls for remnants.
. When you're wearing more latex than spandex.
. When your ceiling mirrors fog.
. When they install a revolving door at your apartment.
. When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door.
. Madonna comes to you for pointers.
. When he doesn't even have to buy you a drink.
. When you have a room key to every hotel in town.
. Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights.
. The only place you haven't had sex is on the moon.
. When a men's prison becomes a vacation "hot spot"
. When it only takes 2 licks to get to the center of a Blow Pop.
. When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency.
. When other women begin to call you "Man's Best Friend".