Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and
suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves
otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work,
following is the 2002 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these
definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.




ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a
stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is
similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding.
If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are
standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.


JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic.
Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the
awkwardness of what just occurred.


COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits
the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the
amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid
being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.


WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up
the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and
busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be
avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.



OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an
Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine undertheir arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before
entering the bathroom.



SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce
the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.



TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the
door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that
when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar
leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.


CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in
a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd
Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.



ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are
occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an
Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.


WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also
an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.


HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water.
Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.


UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes
it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load
when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom
attendees.