Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

Three drunks are in a bar. First one says, "I'm the bravest in here."
His friends say, "Prove it."
He puts his hand on the bar and tells the bartender cut it off. Whack!
Off comes the hand.
The second man walks to bar. Yells out cut off my arm. Whack! Off comes
the arm.
The third man walks to bar, stands on a stool, pulls out his penis. The
bartender asks, "Do you want me to cut it off?"
"NO!" yells the man. "Just rub it it'll come off itself."
================================================== ===========
Your future depends on your dreams
So go to sleep !
*****
ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY
So what ? Who's in a hurry ?
*****
Work fascinates me
I can look at it for hours !
*****
G-d made relatives;
Thank G-d we can choose our friends
================================================== ===========
In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were
asked to identify woman's ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents
said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While
this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that
most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and
the other is cleaning.
================================================== ===========
These three guys walk up to a bar and are greated by a woman. The woman
says that in order for them to be able to get into the bar the lengths
of their dicks must add up to a foot. The first guy whips his out and
she measures it at 6 in. The next guy wips his out and she measures it at 5
inches. The last guy takes his out and she measures it at 1 in.
After they come out of the bar the first guy states how lucky they are
that he had such a long dick. The second guy says the same thing. The
third guy says that the other two should be especially grateful that he
had a boner.
================================================== ===========
A girl was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.
One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party
in a hotel and the girl was among them. The police took them outside
and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly,
the girl's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter. Grandma asked,
"Why are you standing in line here, dear?"
Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, the girl told her
grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and
she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,"
And she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down
the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he
got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed,
Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out
and suck them dry."
================================================== ===========
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
================================================== ===========
My blonde cousin was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she
saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT." After thinking for a
minute, she said to herself, "Oh, well!" and turned around and drove
home.
================================================== ===========
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes
off his clothes and starts wandering around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an
erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning
sweetly and says:
"Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies "No, what do you mean"
She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that
if I give you a erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she
then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel by the side
of a pool, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with
her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down,
and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man
with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him.
The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what
do you mean"
The Huge Man says: "You must be new here, it is a rule that when you
fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob
around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office. The smiling naked receptionist
greets him: "May I help you?"
Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500
joining fee."
Receptionist:"But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you
only saw a small fraction of our facilities..."
Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on once a
month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a survey, 80 percent of women thought their ass was too fat, 15 percent said their ass was too thin and the other five per cent said
they didn't care - they would have married him anyway!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Great news! Some of the old favorite singers and bands have re-released their great hits with new lyrics to accommodate their aging audience. Some examples:
Herman's Hermits: "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a LovelyWalker"
Credence Clearwater Revival: "Bad Prune Rising"
Marvin Gaye: "I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"
The Who: "Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"
The Troggs: "Bald Thing"
Carly Simon: "You're So Varicose Vein"
The Bee Gees: "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?"
Roberta Flack: "The First Time Ever I Forgot YourFace"
Johnny Nash: "I Can't See Clearly Now"
The Temptations: "Papa Got a Kidney Stone"
ABBA: "Denture Queen"
Leo Sayer: "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"
Commodores: "Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom"
Procol Harum: "A Whiter Shade of Hair"
The Beatles: "I Get By with a Little Help From Depends"
~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Secrets to a happy marriage:
1. It is important to find a woman who cooks andcleans.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes goodmoney.
3. It is important to find a woman who likes to havesex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion. He said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could your
wife's family give you highblood pressure?"He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Competition is sometimes hot and heavy between Barbershops.
One place put up a sign: "Why pay $20 for a haircut? We only charge $7.00."
Another store fought back: "$7 Haircuts Repaired Here"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Printed on my next T-Shirt -"Inside me, there's a thin woman trying to get out. But I can usually shut the ***** up with a Hot Fudge Sundae!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diet time...
You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
You could sell shade.
You dance and it makes the band skip.
You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
You need an appointment to attend an 'open house'.
You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.
You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.
Your blood type is Ragu.
Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen.
"In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me" she fumed.
The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea" the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a health food restaurant after a day at the office, sits down and orders a
nice big dish of brown rice and stir-fry veggies. He grabs a handful of peanuts from the
bowl on the counter by the cash register while he's waiting for his order, and as he starts
to chew he hears a voice say,
"That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? Very NICE choice!"
Wondering who would make such a strange comment, he looks around and doesn't see
anyone near him who could've been speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more
peanuts into his mouth.
Next he hears a voice, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They
look GRRREAT!"
He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at
his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool. A little weirded out, he grabs
another handful of peanuts.
This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very
nice!"
He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me
how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look -- What's up with that? Am I GOING
CRAZY??"
"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies, "those are just the peanuts."
"The PEANUTS?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.
"Yes," replies the waiter, ". . . they're complimentary !!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[bonyhadi]

A woman offered a brand-new car for sale for a price of ten dollars. A man answered the ad, but he was slightly skeptical. "What's the gimmick?" he inquired. "No
gimmick," the woman answered. "My husband died, and in his will he asked that the car be sold and the money go to his secretary."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuff Meat...

A man and his girlfriend were driving across the desert when they had a flat on the car.
Getting out, the boyfriend was about to start changing it when he spotted a cowboy sitting
on his horse, rolling a smoke. He told his girlfriend that he would make the cowboy change
the tire and for her to just wait there.
"Hey asshole, get down off of that horse and come over here and change this tire" he said.
The cowboy continued to roll the smoke and ignored him.
"Hey ****head, I told you to get over here and change this tire or I'm going to kick your
ass"
The cowboy looked at him and then said" I'll tell you what, fella". "I'm going to finish my
smoke. Then I'm going to get down off my horse, kick your ass, make you change that tire
while I screw your girlfriend and, I'm gonna make you hold my balls up out of the hot sand
while I do it".
As they were driving on across the desert, the girlfriend says "that cowboy was pretty
tough, wasn't he baby"?
"Naw, he wasn't so tough", said the guy. "Did you see him flinch every time I dropped his
balls in the hot sand?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This letter is being sent to you for we know that you are critically interested in your lawn. The spring season is now upon us. This is a fertilizer club and it will not cost
you a cent to join. Upon receipt of this letter, go to the top of the list and **** on the front lawn. You will not be the only one there so do not be embarrassed. Then
make five copies of this letter and send them to five of your friends who appreciate good lawns.You will not get any money or checks, but within one week, if this
chain is not broken, there will be 9,216 people ****ting on your front lawn. Your reward will come later this summer, when you will have the greenest lawn in the
neighborhood.
Miss G. Fartilizer Fizzik
744 Running Loose Lane

Mrs. Harry Butt
235 Corn Cob Alley

Mr. A. Bigger Movement
89 Rectum Road

Mrs. Lucy Bowels
29 Bed Pan Court

Mr. & Mrs. Howie Fartz
276 Blow Road

Mrs. Opal Crap
1462 Enema Drive

Mr. Charles Syringe
2 Suppository Lane

Mr. Smelley B. Hind
476 Diarrhea Way

If you are constipated, please pass this along to your neighbor. Do not break this chain. One man did not give a **** and lost his entire lawn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
World's Thinnest Books

Politically Correct Jokes On The Internet

A Female's Guide To Logical Thinking
A Guide To Australian Etiquette
A Millenium Of German Humor
Anagrams Of The Word "A"
Bedouin Olympic Swimmers'
Behave Yourself' by David Letterman
Blind Dates That Worked Out Burger King
Items That Start With "Mc"
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Countries Where Socialism Is Successful
Detroit - A Travel Guide
Different Ways To Spell "Bob"
Ethiopian Tips On World Dominance
Everything Men Know About Women Favorite
Foreign Emigration Destinations Of The French
Feminists Worth Marrying
French Hospitality
French, 16 Year Old, Non-Smoking Virgins
Fun With Unix
George Bush: 'The Wild Years'
Good English Cooking
Good Norwegian Jokes
Household Uses For Plutonium'
How To Be A Successful Politician' by Jesse JacksonI
talian War Heroes
Jewish Sports Legends
'Life As An Air Traffic Controller' by Ray CharlesMarcel
Marceau's Greatest Speeches
Mike Tyson On Dating Etiquette
Mother Teresa's Guide To Erotic Pottery
'My Favorite Barbers' by Yassir Arafat
'My Life As A Woman' by Martina Navratilova
'My Life Without Michael' by LaToya Jackson
'My Thoughts' by Ronald Reagan
National Directory Of Irish AA Members
Olympic Athletes Who Think Sports Are Really Stupid
One-Legged Folk Dances
'On Human Rights' by Fidel Castro
Party Tricks With Boiling Lead
Proud Parents Of Rock Musicians
Public Political Activities during Franco's Government In Spain
Romantic Words Beginning With "X"
Scottish World Cup Successes
Sign Language For The Blind
Successful Applications Of Artificial Intelligence
Sylverster Stallone's Dramatic Acting Tips
The Genius Of Barry Manilow
'The Road To Lasting Economic Succes' by Boris Yeltsin
The Total Vocabulary Of Arnold Schwarzenegger
Things That Look Like An Apple, Taste Like An Apple, But Are Not An Apple
Things That Taste Better With Arsenic
Things You Could Buy At The World Artichoke Festival
Venezuelans Who Know Spelling
Vice Presidents With Really Good Ideas'
Why People Are More Important Than Animals' by Greenpeace
Young, single Males Speak Out Against Masturbation
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My friend Sue-Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set
chopsticks at our places.Sue-Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her
own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo
forests for throwaway utensils."
The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Very beautiful," he said politely. "Ivory."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~


Did you hear about the restaurant that promotes
safe sex?

They write the bill on a condom so you can wine and dine your date,
and then stick her with the bill.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, a class of third graders from the city
was taking a field trip to the country to visit a
small farm. The kids were amazed to see all the
different kinds of animals on the farm.

So the farmer asks one little girl, "What's the
difference between a rooster and a hen?"
"The hen lays eggs." replied the little girl.
"Very good!" said the farmer.

Then the farmer asked another little girl,
"What's the difference between a duck and a
turkey?" "Well," replied the little girl, "Turkeys can't swim and turkeys are what we have
on Thanksgiving Day."



"Very good!" exclaimed the

farmer.

Then he asks little Johnny, "Do you know the
difference between a bull and a cow?"
"Yes, I do" replied little Johnny from the city.
"Bulls smile when you milk them."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A noted sex therapist realized that people often lied about the frequency of their encounters, so
he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone has had sex.
To prove his theory, he filled an auditorium with people, and went down the line, asking each
person to smile. Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately
until he came to the last man in line, an elderly gentleman, who was grinning from ear to ear.
"Twice a day," the therapist guessed. But the therapist was surprised when the man says no.
"Once a day, then?" Again the answer is no.
"Twice a week?" "No."
"Twice a month?" "No."
The man finally said yes when the doctor got to "once a year."
The therapist is angry that his theory isn't working, and asks the elderly gentleman, "What the
heck are you so happy about?"
The gent answered, "Tonight's the night!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
They can't keep their calves together!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ten Answers Men Would Like to Give to Woman's Stupid Questions...


1. No we can't be friends; I just want you for sex.

2. The dress doesn't make you look fat, it's all that ice cream and chocolate you eat that makes
you look fat.

3. You've got no chance of me calling you.

4. No, I won't be gentle.

5. Of course you have to swallow.

6. Well yes actually, I do this all the time.

7. I hate your friends.

8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight.

9. I'd rather watch a porno.

10. Eat it??? It took me ten beers to get up the courage to screw it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kevin pulled in and said to the farmer, "There's no cow in the
world worth five thousand dollars."

The farmer said, "Oh, yeah? Take a look at this!" He lifted the
cow's tail, and Kevin saw that the cow had a snatch just like
a woman.

Kevin got back in the car, turned to his wife, and began to cry,
"It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow that has a
snatch like a woman and it's worth $5000. And here I am, with
you, with a snatch like a cow, and you ain't worth ****!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[CobraDan]

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his
profit?

Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a
Set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is
worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set
"M." The set "C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than
set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the
following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment:
Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the
Logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did
the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees?
There are no wrong answers.

Teaching Math in 2000: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine
that his profit margin is $60?

Teaching Math in 2010: El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La
cuesta de producción es...

[Dream Master]

This really happened, 'cause my cousins next door neighbors' brother-in-laws' friend was there and witnessed it. And he swore it was true! I think. I could be mistaken. I guess


The Audubon Zoo in New Orleans had acquired a very rare species of gorilla, and her name was Priscilla.

Within a few weeks, she became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem.
The gorilla was in heat.
To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed their best employee, Boudreaux, working near her cage. Boudreaux, like most Cajuns, often bragged about how he could satisfy any female of ANY species.
So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution.
Boudreaux was approached with a proposition.
Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?
Boudreaux scratched his head, looked at Priscilla and said he would have to think about it.
The following day, Boudreaux said that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.

"Firse," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her, no."

"Second... you must never told 'bout dis."

The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

"Well da tird ting," said Boudreaux, "You gotta give me anutter week to come up with the $500."

[Dream Master]

I know this priest and he wouldn't lie. This really Happened, too, I think.

A new priest at his first mass was so
nervous he could hardly speak.
after mass he asked the monsignor how he
had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried
about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a
glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's
advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got
nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass,
he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet
his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the
late J. C

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are
not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick
the **** out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was
knocked off his Donkey, don't say he was stoned
off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the
Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for
it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary
with the Cherry,"

13. The recommended grace before a meal
is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub,
yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy
pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a
Peter-pulling contest at St.Taffy's.

[CobraDan]

1. Where did headlight dimmer switches used to be located?
a . On the floor shift knob
b. On the floor, left of the clutch
c. Next to the horn
2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle has holes in it. For what was
it used?
a. Capture lightning bugs.
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
c. Large salt shaker
3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
a. Cows got cold and would not produce
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
c. Milkmen left deliveries outside doors and milk would freeze, expanding
and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.
4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
a. Blackjack
b. Gin
c. Craps
5. What method did women adapt to look as if they were wearing stockings
when none was available due to rationing during W.W.II?
a. Suntan
b. Leg painting
c. Wearing slacks
6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you could not
tell whether it was coming or going?
a. Studebaker
b. Nash Metro
c. Tucker
7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
a. Strips of dried peanut butter
b. Chocolate-licorice bars
c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
8. How was Butch wax used?
a. To stiffen hair cut into a flattop so it stood up
b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust
9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to
your shoes?
a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key
b. Woven straps that crossed the foot
c. Long pieces of string or twine
10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision?
a. Consider all the facts
b. Ask Mom
c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo
11. What was the worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex?
a. A cold
b. VD
c. Cooties
12. I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey?"
a. SUV
b. Taxi
c. Streetcar
13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony?
a. Old Blue
b. Paint
c. Macaroni
14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?
a. Part of the game of hide and seek
b. What you did when your mom called you in to do chores
c. Hiding under your desk, covering your head with your arms in an A bomb
drill
15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?
a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
b. Princess Sacajewea
c. Princess Moonshadow
16. What did all really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were
handed out in school?
a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high
b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window
c. Wrote another pupils name on the top, to avoid failure
17. Why did your mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?
a. To keep you out of mischief licking the backs, which tasted like bubble
gum
b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household
items
c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick on tattoos
18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________
a. Meatballs
b. Dames
c. Ammunition
19. What was the name of the group who made the song Cab driver a hit?
a. The Ink Spots
b. The Supremes
c. The Esquires
20. Who left his heart in San Francisco?
a. Tony Bennett
b. Zavier Cugat
c. George Gershwin

ANSWERS
1. b) On the floor, left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe,
took till the 60s to catch on.
2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?
3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle
top.
4. a) Blackjack Gum.
5. b) Special makeup was applied followed by drawing a seam down the back of
the leg with eyebrow pencil.
6. a) 1946 Studebaker.
7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.
8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.
9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring
around your neck.
10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.
11. c) Cooties.
12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!
13. c) Macaroni.
14. c) Hiding under your desk, covering your head with your arms in an
A-bomb drill.
15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.
16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get high.
17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items
at the Green Stamp store.
18. c) Ammunition
19. a) The all male, all black group, The Inkspots.
20. a) Tony Bennett and he sounds just as good today.

SCORING
17- 20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously gifted
with mind bloat. Now if you could only find your glasses.
12 - 16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely muddy.
0 - 11 correct: You are a sad excuse of a geezer.

[CobraDan]

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred
and Wilma Flintstone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coca-Cola was originally green.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th,
John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks
like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month? A. Conception.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested? A. Obsession
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser
printers all have in common? A. All invented by women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most
ironic? A. He was allergic to carrots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party? A. Snoop
in your medicine cabinet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer
to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month
after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month we know today as
the honeymoon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own
pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's
and Q's"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the
rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used
the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired
by this practice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies
Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least 75% of people who read this
will try to lick their elbow.

[bonyhadi]

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of
the background checks, interviews, and testing were
done there were three finalists...
Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents
took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a
gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what
the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting
in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and
went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes.
Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill
my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming,
crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door
opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow,
and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death
with the chair."

Moral: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rules for Stray Cats
1. Stray cats will not be fed.
2. Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food.
3. Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.
4. Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.
6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with, picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.
7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up or cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
8. Stray cats with or without a name, will not be allowed inside the house at any time.
9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except at certain times.
10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except on days ending in "y".
11. Stray cats allowed inside, will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
12. Stray cats will not be permitted to, jump up on or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.
13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture, but must sharpen claws on new .99 sisal rope cat scratching post with three perches.
14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.
15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.
16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan, with a three panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.
17. Stray cats will sleep outside.
18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.
20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.
21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty Komfort Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.
22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.
23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.
24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.
25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers, except at the foot.
26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.
27. Stray cats will not play on the desk, near the computer.
28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk, when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier'puyy-kmm4hb USING IT.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~`
The limousine was taking the beautiful, raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat.
The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?"
The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off.
The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?"
He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of them on the same day.
They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies.
That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep. When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second
daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything.
The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter,"Why were you screaming last night?"
The daughter replied "Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream."
"That's true."
She looked at her second daughter. "Why were you laughing so much last night?"
The daughter replied "Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh."
"That's also true." Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?"
The youngest daughter replied "Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four old duffers are pounding their balls around the links
when a sudden thunderstorm pops up.
<ZAP>
A bolt of lightning kills all four in one stroke. Soon, they find
themselves at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter is all upset, papers flying in the air, "You guys
aren't supposed to be here yet. It's not your time! I'll
tell ya what...I can put you all back on Earth to finish out
your days, but you have to decide how. That is, everyone
down there already knows you're all dead, so I can't send
you back as who you were. Figure it out amongst yourselves
and I'll check back with you later."

Some time goes by and St. Peter returns, "Well, have you
decided how you want to go back?"

One of the golfers steps forward, "St. Peter, we've decided
that we all want to go back to earth as lesbians."

"LESBIANS!" St. Peter shouts, "why lesbians?"

"Well, sir, we all love to eat ***** and we wanna hit from
the red tees."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If a ram is a ram, and an ass is an ass, how come a ram in the ass is a goose?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A distraught man goes to see a psychologist.
How may I help you? the doctor asks.
Doc, every night, I have the same dream. I'm lying in bed and a dozen women walk in and try to rip my clothes off and have wild sex with me.
And then what do you do? the shrink asks.
I push them away, the man says.
Then what do you want me to do? the shrink asks.
Break my arms!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A shapely female coworker walked into the lunchroom the other day sporting a tight white T-shirt with the word "GUESS" boldly emblazoned across the front.

I simply couldn't resist... I walked right up and said, "36C ?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is the definition of Blood, Sweat and Tears?
A. A blonde standing in front of a tampon machine with a bent quarter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man picks up a fat girl in a bar. He's been there all night drinking and now he just wants to get laid.

An hour later, they're busy shagging when he says, "Can we switch the light off?"

"Why dear?" she asks, "Are you shy?"

"No," he replies, "it's just that it's burning my ass!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Arab terrorists are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures. "Yeah, this is my oldest. He's a martyr.
Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."
...There's a pause...
The second terrorist says, wistfully, "Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While traveling, Brett and I saved some money by staying in a cheap hotel.
Just as we were falling asleep, we heard the sounds of mattress springs and a banging headboard from the next room.
At first we were amused by the amorous couple.
After five minutes it had lost its charm.
After ten minutes we were a little annoyed.
After fifteen minutes, we were ticked off, as it was keeping us awake.
After half an hour we were incensed!
After an hour we were pretty damned impressed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[bonyhadi]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to a new survey, 76 percent of men said what they look for most in a woman is a sense of humor and a good personality.
This was a survey published in 'Full Of **** Magazine.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From A Man's Point Of View:



If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys

I remember when I got married.
I remember where I got married.
But for the life of me, I can't remember why
I got married.

Women!
You can't live with them,
you can't do most positions without them.

There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...
I never believed in Hell until I met you."


Q ~ Why are men so concerned about the size of their penises?
A ~ Because they should be

Known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going on in their man's
lives almost better than they do. Why is this?

In the early 80's researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain's two hemispheres than
men do. It's these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly
unconnectable pieces.

That, and they go through your **** while you're in the shower.

Did you know that the word ALIMONY is really a contraction?

It's short for "all my money"

The definition of irreconcilable differences?
When she's melting down her wedding ring to cast it into a bullet.

Why is a woman different from a PC?
A woman won't accept a 3*" floppy


Anniversary

A couple had been married for thirty years.
On their anniversary they decided to
go back to the same hotel where they
had spent their blissful wedding night.

The husband was lying on the bed when
the wife came out of the bathroom
totally nude, just as she had done
thirty years ago. Standing seductively
before him, she asked, "Tell me, darling,
what were you thinking thirty years ago
when I came out of the bathroom like this?"

"I took one look at you and thought I'd
like to screw your brains out and
suck your boobs dry!"

"And what are you thinking now, baby?"
she asked huskily.

"I'm thinking I did a pretty good job of it."



A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot
of questions, but didn't seem to be getting a clear picture of the problems.

Finally, he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"

"Well, yes, I did once."

"Well, how did she look?"

"Oh boy, she looked VERY angry!"

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must
look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex; that seems
somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?"
"She was watching us through the window."

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about
your baby."

The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"

The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a
hermaphrodite."

The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"

"Well, it means your baby has the...er... features... of a male and a female."

The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my G-d! You mean it has a penis... AND a brain?"

Jill went to the bank and applied for a loan.
"I want a loan, I'm going to divorce my husband."
"Oh, we don't give loans for divorces" the manager
says "We make loans for appliances, automobiles,
businesses, home improvements...."

Jill interrupts and says "Well, this is certainly a
'Home Improvement.'

[CobraDan]

It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he found a jackass standing outside, which immediately fell
over dead. Not exactly knowing what to do about the situation, he called the local Sheriff and told him about what was laying before him.
The sheriff couldn't resist jabbing at the Minister and said, "Pastor, I thought the first duty of the Minister was to bury the dead."
Without hesitation, the Pastor said, "No the first duty of the Minister is to notify the next of kin.

[bonyhadi]

You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem ?" He
replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful ? My wife doesn't know about it yet."
================================================== ===========
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first
lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before
starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy.
The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this
point,the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then
licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the
corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they
follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense
of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I
licked my index."
================================================== ===========
A hippy walks into a Bar and Grill. The waiter comes up to him and asks
him if he wants anything.
So the Hippy says 'Yeah a cheeseburger. Not too well done, not to rare,
but right in the groove.'
So the waiter brings his burger and asks if he wants anything to drink.

He says 'A cup of tea.
Not too hot, not too cold, but right in the Groove.'
The waiter's kinda getting pissed now, but he brings the tea and kinda
slams it on the table. Little while later the waiter comes back and
asks the Hippy if he wants any dessert. He says 'Yeah some ice cream.
Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but right in the Groove.'
So the waiter says 'Why dont you kiss my ass. Not the right cheek, not the left cheek, but right in the Groove!'
================================================== ===========
Tarzan lumbered home after a hard day's work just in time to see a
crocodile snap one of his 15 kids off the riverbank.
"Hey Jane," he yelled, "Did you see that?"
"Oh come to bed," Jane shouted back, "and we'll make another one."
The next day, as Tarzan was making his way home again, it happened once
more.
A crocodile came out of the river and grabbed one of his kids.
Jane was not in the least bit concerned when Tarzan brought it to her
attention.
"Let's go to bed and make another one," she said.
"No way!" Tarzan boomed, stamping his feet. "I'm not working all day
and ****ing all night just to feed the bloody pet crocodiles!"
================================================== ===========
As the priest was leaving his church after the service, he accidentally
bumped a gorgeous blonde parishioner, knocking her left tit with his
elbow.
"I'm so sorry," the priest gushed. Then after a moment of hesitation
added, "But I'm sure that if your heart is as soft as your breast,
there's a place for you in heaven."
"Well," said the blonde, "if your cock's as hard as your elbow, we
should go into those bushes and ____!"
================================================== ===========
Around lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home, crying because
her first period had started and she had no idea what it was.
The girl's teacher was reluctant to get involved, so she suggested
Sheryl talk to her mom.
She was walking home when she ran into little Johnny.
"Why are you crying? Asked little Johnny.
"I'm crying because I'm bleeding," she replied.
"Give me a look," said little Johnny.
She lifted her skirt and showed him.
"Duckin' hell!" said little Johnny. "No wonder you're bleeding - some
bastard's cut off your cock!"
================================================== ===========
A blonde and her boyfriend were setting at home one night and became
bored.
"Hey, let's play a game" she said.
"What game?" was his bored reply.
"Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find me."
"What if I can't find you?"
"I'll be behind the piano."
================================================== ===========
A blonde went to her mail box several times way before it was time for
the mailman to make his rounds.
A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was
waiting for a special delivery.
"No," she replied, "My computer keeps telling me I have mail."
================================================== ===========
There is this women she has two horrible, rotten, spoilled kids. She
has finally had all she can take. She can't handle them any longer.
She takes them to see a counselor. The younger child is asked to be
seen first.
A day later the child goes in for his appointment. The doctor
take the child in his office. Talks to him asking general questions.
Finally the doctor says, son where is Jesus? The child didn't respond.
The doctor asked again just a little louder; son where is Jesus? The
child didn't respond.
Now angry the doctor stomps his foot pointing his finger and asked
again son where is Jesus? Again the child didn't respond. Now very
angry the doctor calls it quits for the day. Sends the boy on his way.
They get home and the brother all worried about his visit asked well what's
going on what happen. The boys says I dunno but Jesus is missing and
they think we have something to do with it.

[CobraDan]

A young, attractive woman decides to hang one of her favorite pictures on her wall and asks her father what she needs to do.
He says to hammer a nail with a large head on it into the wall where she wants her picture to be located.
After searching endlessly for a "nail with a large head on it" she gives up and goes out to buy one.
When she reaches the store she sees an old dirty looking man with his eyes popped out of his head once she enters the store. Not knowing her way around a hardware store she is forced to ask him for help.
"Do you have a nail with a large head on it?"
He answers, "I have something with a large head that would be happy to nail you."

[bonyhadi]

A minister gave a talk to the Rotary Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback
riding with the members.A few days later, she ran into some men at theshopping center and they complimented her on the speech herhusband had made. She
said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell
off."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge & Jury
A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought
was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury.
The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers. The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of
lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. And the trial went very quickly --after only an hour of
testimony, and very short closing arguments, both sides rested.
The jury was then instructed by the judge, and was sent back to the jury room to deliberate. After nearly six hours, the trial court was
concerned that the jury had not returned with a verdict. The case had in fact turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it
seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room, to see if they needed anything.
The bailiff returned, and the judge asked, "Are they close to reaching a verdict?"
The bailiff shook his head, and replied, "Your honor, they're still doing nomination speeches for the position of foreman."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his
professionalism goes right out the window...He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. "Do you know what I
am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing
now?" She replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you
know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - that's why I am here!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury,
illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her
head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your other hand."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: I suspect that my ex used to visit prostitutes before we met.
Jill: What makes you think so?
Mary: Well, one night we were just playing around, and he picked me up and headed for the bedroom.
Jill: So?
Mary: So I giggled and asked, "Should I struggle?"
And he asked, "I don't know. Does that cost extra?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage still confers one very special privilege. Only a married person can get divorced.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible
fight with the old devil all week."
Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side, said, "It's not all my fault either; she's tough to get along with."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband to wife: "I'm feeling so depressed today."
Wife: "Why, Honey?"
Husband: "It's just that sometimes I feel so alone and useless."
Wife: "Oh, you don't have to feel so alone. A lot of people think you're useless."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The morning after an all-night honeymoon extravaganza in bed, the newlywed wife snuggles up to her hubby and asks, "Sweetheart, how
many others were there before me?"
After a few minutes of silence, the wife says, "Well, I'm waiting." And the guy takes a deep breath and says, "Well, I'm still counting."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~`
Bedtime Prayer For Men
As I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a woman who's very cheap.
One who's sexy, blonde, and long;
Who notices that she's mostly wrong;
One who sucks AND doesn't speak;
And promises to do so once a week.
I pray that she is very randy,
Because one like that would come in handy.
Opens her legs and lies on the floor;
And once I'm done, she begs for more.
Oh! Send me a woman who won't play with my mind
...who knows what she wants, and that's lots from behind!
...one who'll make love till my body's twitchin'
And brings ME a beer when she comes from the kitchen.
I pray that she'll last right up to the end,
And would never complain when I do her best friend.
Thanks in advance and since you know I can't wait,
I'll screw all the rest because it's never too late.
Amen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Now, what are you planning to do about that excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked the patient.
"I just can't seem to lose the weight," the patient said. "Must be an overactive thyroid."
"The tests show your thyroid is perfectly normal," the doctor said. "If anything is overactive, it's your fork."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Social DIS-Graces, Etiquette For The Socially Impaired
Never go to the door when you are picking up someone. Just honk loudly
and continuously and save your energy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[CobraDan]

Three women are sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first lady presses her forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at her
curiously. "That's my pager," she says, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings. The second woman lifts her palm to her ear. When she finishes she explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third woman, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes she returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from the crack of her
butt. The others raise their eyebrows.
"Oh, excuse me. I'm getting a Fax.

[CobraDan]

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's
home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the
boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone,
the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should
be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed hushed voice the child answered, "The search team just landed
the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle:
"Me."

[bonyhadi]

Keli and Anni were having a picnic in a park. Anni says,
"See my new diamond ring? My husband bought it for me."

Keli replies, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"

Anni then says, "And see that shiny new Jaguar parked over
there? My husband bought it for me."

To which Keli says, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"

Anni then tells her, "And you know that big white house at the
top of the hill? My husband is gonna buy that for me."

Again Keli says, "Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!"

Anni then says, "Oh my stars, here I am, going on and on about
myself! Tell me, what does your husband do for you?"

Keli tells her, "Well, my husband sent me to charm school."

Anni asked, "Charm school? Why on earth would he do that?"

Keli replies, "Because I used to say, 'Who gives a flying fart?,'
but now I say, 'Oh, that's nice! That's really, really nice!'"









Q. What drives a lesbian up the wall?
A. A crack in the ceiling.










A man from Idaho goes to New York City, on business, for the
first time.
After checking in to the hotel he goes down to the bar to have a
drink.
He orders a rum and coke. The bartender gives it to him and says,
"That will be eight dollars."

He give the bartender the money and says, "Man, everything is so
expensive here in New York!"

The bartender replies, "It cant be that much more than where you
live."

The man replies, "Oh yes, it is! Why do you know that, in my home
town,you can go out drinking all night for nothing!
And if you feel you've had too much to drink. You can check into
the finest hotel and spend the night for nothing! And not only that,
when you wake up there is a twenty dollar bill on the pillow next to
you!"

The incredulous bartender says, "I find that very hard to
believe. Has that ever really happened to you?"

The guy replies, "Well no, not exactly...but it happens to my
wife all the time!"










A graduate student in speech therapy had two days to cure her
patients of their stutters. She came to a therapy session in a revealing

outfit and offered a blowjob to anyone who could pronounce the name of
the city in which they were born without stuttering. The first man stood

up and said, "B-b-b-b-b-b-Boston."

Dejected, he shook his head and sat back down. The next guy stood
and said, "Ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-Cleveland."

He slapped his thigh in frustration and sat back down. The third
guy stood and without hesitation said, "Miami."

The student fell to her knees and began sucking the man off.
After finishing, she looked up and said, "What do you have to say now?"

He replied, "B-b-b-b-b-Beach."











Little Johnny was a Jewish boy.* He was walking with his
girlfriend on
the grounds of his father's house. His father was a successful
doctor,and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery.

As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out
of the window and landed at the girl's feet.

"What's this," she asked.

"Taste it," Little Johnny replied, "If you like it, I'll give you
a whole one!"

[bonyhadi]

PINOCCHIO

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio,
therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he
could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of
weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio
bouncing happily through town and asked him, How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"


CINDERELLA

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her
fairy godmother appears, and promises to
provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a
diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second
condition?" "You must be home by 2a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin. " Cinderella agrees to be home
by 2 a.m. The appointed hour
comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up.


Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and **very** satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairy
godmother. "Your diaphragm was
supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"


"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his
name!" "I can't remember, exactly...Peter
Peter, something or other..."


MICKEY MOUSE

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, ?I didn't say she was
crazy, I said she's ****ing Goofy."


RED RIDING HOOD

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and,
holding a sword to her throat, said,
"Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled
out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him
and said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"


SNOW WHITE

Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on
his face screaming, "Lie to me! Lie
to me!"

Oh.......................................by the way, did you know Captain Hook died from jock itch?













An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to place her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and
reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good God! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to
afford to buy any."

The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's 10 pounds, go and buy yourself
some underwear."

Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.

"Bejesus woman. You've no knickers - why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into
his pocket and says, "For the sake of
decency, here's
5 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is naked under
it.

"Hoot, lassie! Why d'ye have no knickers?" She too explains, "You don't give me enough money to be able to afford any."

The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yourself up a bit!"













The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the
clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday.

"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.

"You bet," answered the customer.

"She's expecting a cruise."












The Perks of Being Over 40

Chapter 1: GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, You're it.
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend
Over.
6. Doc Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee.
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
10. Musical recliners.

Chapter 2: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard
sale.
2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a
wood stove,
he is using you to heat the family room this
winter.
Rather than just saying you are not amused,
you shoot him.
3. You have to write post-it notes with your
kids' names on them.
4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the
Heaven's Gate Cult
gives you four hours of decent rest.
5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your
Brownie troop on
a field trip to Chippendale's.

Chapter 3: SIGNS OF WEAR
"OLD" IS WHEN...Your sweetie says, "Let's go
upstairs and make
love,"and you answer, "Pick one, I
can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN...Your friends compliment You on
your new alligator
shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN...A sexy babe catches your fancy
and your pacemaker
opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN...Going bra-less pulls all the
wrinkles out of your
face.
"OLD" IS WHEN...You don't care where your spouse
goes, just as long
as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN...You are cautioned to slow down by
the doctor instead
of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..."Getting a little action" means I
don't need to take
any fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN..."Getting lucky" means you find
your car in the parking
lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN...An "all-nighter" means not
getting up to pee.












Little Turtle Climbing a Tree


The little turtle climbs the tree very slowly, very
painfully. Then she crawls along a branch, to the very
end, and when she finally gets to the edge, she jumps.
And she falls. But she doesn't get discouraged. So she
walks to the tree, she climbs the tree, she crawls
along the branch, she gets to the edge, and she jumps.
And falls to the ground.

Again, with a stubborn look in her face, the little
turtle walks slowly to the tree, she climbs the tree,
she crawls along the branch, she gets to the edge, and
she jumps. And falls.

In a nearby tree a couple of pigeons are looking at the
little turtle. Walk, climb, crawl, jump. Fall. And all
over again.

After a while one of the pigeons ask the other,

"Hey honey, don't you think its time we tell her that
she is adopted?"

[bonyhadi]

Bad ASS Leroy

A rich white guy decided that he wanted to throw
a party and invited a few of his buddies. He also
invited Leroy, the only black guest at the party.


He held the party in the backyard of his mansion.
Everybody was having a good time drinking,
dancing, talking to the ladies. At the height of
the party, the rich white guy said, "I have a
man-eating alligator in my pool and I will give
anyone a million dollars if he is man enough to
jump in."

All of a sudden there was a loud splash and
everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!


HE WAS FIGHTING THE ALLIGATOR AND KICKING IT'S
ASS. He was doing head butts, jabs, choke holds,
all kinds of stuff; the water was splashing and
the alligator was screaming. Leroy finally
strangled the alligator and as it sunk to the
bottom, Leroy slowly got out of the pool.
Everybody was just staring at him. The rich white
guy said, "Damn, I guess I owe you a million
dollars..." Leroy said," No, that's okay." The
rich white guy said," Man, I have to give you
something, you won the bet.
How about half a million?" The brother said no.
The rich white guy said "Come on, I insist on
giving you something.......how about stock
ptions...a Rolex or maybe a Porsche......? Again,
Brotherman said "No." The confused rich
white guy said, "Well Leroy, what do you want?"
Leroy said, " I just want the motherf%#$er who
pushed me in the pool."














The Official Dog Enthusiast's DON'T List

DON'T let your dog sleep in your bed. It will
cause aggression problems down the road.

DON'T make your dog sleep in a crate. Crate is
just another word for small cage.

DON'T let your dog sleep outside at night. If God
had wanted dogs to sleep outside, he would have
covered their body with hair to keep them warm.

DON'T let your dog sleep. You should be playing
with him all the time.

DON'T keep more than two dogs. Each individual
dog requires considerable time and energy, and it
is impossible for a responsible dog owner to
spend quality time with more than two dogs.

DON'T keep less than five dogs. Dogs are pack
animals, and five dogs is the minimum number for
proper socialization.

DON'T feed your dog kibble. Kibble is the
invention of evil capitalists who want your
money, and kibble has no nutritional value
whatsoever. You might as well feed your dog
sawdust.

DON'T cook your dog's meat or chicken. Cooking
destroys all the nutrients.

DON'T feed your dog raw meat or raw chicken. Raw
food contains salmonella, e-coli, and other
harmful bacteria.

DON'T let your dog drink out of a plastic bowl.
It will turn his nose pink.

DON'T post messages to a dog list. You will
surely get bopped on the head for thinking that
someone else cares about your silly little
opinions.

DON'T poke your eye with a sharp stick. It has
nothing to do with dogs, but it's a good rule
nonetheless.

DON'T microchip your dog. A nearby cell phone can
cause a microchipped dog to explode, or so says
the lady running the tattoo booth.

DON'T tattoo your dog on the ear. A dog thief
will cut off the tattooed ear.

DON'T tattoo your dog on the thigh. He'll be a
tripod before you can say Ginsu.

DON'T keep a collar on your dog when unattended.
He could get caught on something and choke.

DON'T leave your dog unattended without a collar.
He could run away without any identification.

DON'T transport your dog in a plastic crate.
Plastic crates don't allow sufficient air flow.

DON'T transport your dog in a wire crate. In a
car accident, a wire crate transforms into a
doggie skewer. On days you plan to have a car
accident, it's acceptable to use a plastic crate.


DON'T let your dog drive. It's against the law in
many states.

DON'T enter your dog in conformation. It's
b-o-r-i-n-g for the dog.

DON'T enter your dog in obedience. It's
B-o-r-i-n-g with a capital "B."

DON'T enter your dog in agility. The jumps will
injure his joints.

DON'T send your dog out with a handler. Only a
psychopath would send their beloved pet with a
complete stranger.

DON'T handle your dog yourself. You've got a
great dog, and he deserves a much better handler
than you will ever be.

DON'T get a purebred dog. Too much inbreeding has
produced dogs with temperament and health
problems.

DON'T get a mutt. You don't know anything about
their pedigree. In fact, if you're thinking about
getting a dog, get a cat instead.

DON'T don't. That's right, you heard me, just
don't!

DON'T leave your dog's dewclaws intact. He will
rip one off jumping a log or something, which is
quite painful.

DON'T remove your dog's dewclaws. Dewclaws are
acupuncture points that are needed for proper
functioning of the kidneys.

DON'T trim your dog's whiskers. Dogs use their
whiskers to determine the size of their head,
which is important when they are out shopping for
a new hat.













A male crab and a female lobster are dating,
but for obvious reasons, they must hide their
love from their parents. Eventually, the lobster
tells her father, who forbids her from seeing the
crab.

"But we're in love!" cries the lobster girl. "Why
can't I see him again?"

Her father tries to come up with a good excuse
and says, "Because crabs walk sideways and
we walk straight."

"Please, Daddy," she cries. "Just meet him
once. You'll change your mind."

The father relents, and the daughter rushes off
to tell her crab suitor.

Desperate to make a good first impression, the
crab spends weeks learning to walk straight.
Finally, with tremendous effort, he can move without
scuttling sideways and walks all the way to the
lobster's house as straight as he can. The father
sees the crab coming and yells to his daughter,
"Here comes your crab boyfriend-and he's drunk!"












Reasons to Go to Work Naked


13> Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see
your ass in here
by 8:00!"

12> Can take advantage of computer monitor
radiation to work on
your tan.

11> Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in
Human Resources.

10> "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in
my pants."

9> To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from
looking down your
blouse.

8> You want to see if it's like the dream.

7> So that -- with a little help from Muzak --
you can add
"Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

6> Splattering grease from deep fryer is really
hard to get out
of your uniform.

5> People stop stealing your pens after they've
seen where you
keep them.

4> Diverts attention from the fact that you also
came to work
stoned.

3> Because setting the nation's monetary policy
and keeping
Andrea Mitchell satisfied requires a delicate
balance.

2> Keeps that snooty Ruth Bader-Ginsberg on her
toes.

1> Because the President insists when Hillary's
out of town.










S AND M

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th
class reunion, and they haven't seen
each other since graduation. They
begin to talk and bring each other
up to date. The conversation covers
their husbands, their children,
homes, etc. and finally gets around
to their sex lives.

Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every
week or so but it's no big adventure,
how's yours?"

Sally replies, "It's just great,
ever since we got into S&M."

Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never
would have guessed that you would go
for that."

"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He Snores
while I Masturbate!

[CobraDan]

Well, despite the fact that AOL Time Warner has lost over half of its value and threw out their CEO, Gerald Levin, it hasn't stopped other companies from talking about doing mega-merger deals.
For instance, did you hear that Yahoo, in a 5-1 stock split, plus some capital from Microsoft, is planning on taking over Disney, Data General, and United Health Care? Yep.
The new company will be called: Hoo-Dis, Hoo-Dat, and Hoo-Cares.

[bonyhadi]

GIVING A LIFT

A priest was driving along and saw a
nun on the side of the road he stopped
and offered her a lift, which she
accepted. She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing the habit to open and
reveal a lovely leg.

The Priest had a look and nearly had
an accident. After controlling the car,
he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately
said, "Father; remember Psalm 129? "

The priest was flustered and apologized
profusely. He forced himself to remove
his hand. However, he was unable to
remove his eyes from her leg. Further
on while changing gear, he let his
hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said "Father,
remember Psalm 129".

Once again the priest apologized.
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak".

Arriving at the convent, the nun got
out, gave him a meaningful glance
and went her way. On his arrival at
his Church, the priest rushed up
to retrieve the Bible and looked
up Psalm 129.

It said, "Go forth and seek,
further up you will find Glory".

MORAL OF THE STORY:
ALWAYS BE WELL INFORMED IN YOUR JOB.
OR YOU MIGHT MISS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY!!