http://www.editionnine.deathrowbook....nf_sertest.htm
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Woah! Error! ****!
http://www.blogjam.com/ashe/
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Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will begin production in Canada this year.
When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied: "I don't know, I never had one."
American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because he is so full of crap he can't fly.
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Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," that will honor one of the nation's most distinguished
men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.
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Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious. Here she's in the middle of her first
term as Senator of New York and this has happened to her. She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming;
"How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe
this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault! Well, what have you got to say?"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me?" Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice.
In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"
************************************************** *************************
Thorn walks up to man in a pointed hat and the following conversation takes place.....
Thorn: You're Merlin The Magician, aren't you?
Merlin: Why yes .. it's nice to be recognized!
Thorn: Bit of a Wizard .. I hear?
Merlin: Well Yes .. I've been told I'm skilled
Thorn: Do tricks and things .. don't ya.. Magical stuff?
Merlin: Magical ... yes that's correct.
Thorn: Turn Kings into Frogs .. and that sort of thing..
Is that right?
Merlin: Well Yes .. I suppose I could Turn a King into a Frog!
Thorn: Ever ****ed up .. Ya know, made a mistake?
Merlin: Well Yes .. hasn't everyone?
Thorn: Can you reverse a curse???
Merlin: Yes I can ... with knowledge of who applied the curse and the actual words of enchantment, I could do
it .... Why ?
Thorn: I'm Cursed, Merlin.
Merlin: Really ... and how long have you been bewitched?
Thorn: For years ...
Merlin: Do you know the words spoken over you to lay this curse?
Thorn: Yeah .. I *can't* EVER forget them!
Merlin: What were they???
Thorn: Something like ...
"Do you take this woman to be your
lawfully wedded wife?"
===========================
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the
emergency room. The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is
not the AOL Chat Room."
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Q: How do you cancel an appointment with a sperm bank?
A: Just tell 'em you can't come.
Q: What should you do if a pretty girl sits on your hand?
A: Try to get her off.
Q: Why do women like to be on top?
A: So they can accuse the guy of screwing up.
Q. Why don't cowboys make good lovers?
A. Because they think a good ride is eight seconds.
~~~~~~
Marsha completed four weeks of dental restoration with Dr. Morris Cohen the dentist. She confided to her best friend that she had fallen in love with her
dentist ... and she was going to propose to him.
Her friend said, " Marsha you're 34 years old, you're beautiful, you have dozens of men that adore you. Why this dentist?"
"Because he is the First man that ever said to me .... SPIT, don't SWALLOW."
~~~~~~~~~~
A carpenter was doing work for Johnny's folks. Every time the carpenter got out another tool to work with, little Johnny would say,
"My pop has TWO of those."
The carpenter finally had to use the bathroom, and Johnny followed him in there. "I'll bet your pop doesn't have two of THESE," said
the carpenter.
Johnny replied, "No, but he has ONE that will make TWO of yours!"
********************
Facelift
A lady goes to the doctor to see about
getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor,
"I can do the facelift, and then you'll have
to come back in six months for a follow-up."
"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all
done in one shot. I don't want to have to come
back."
The doctor thinks for a second, then offers,
"There is a new procedure where we put a screw
in the top of your head. Then anytime you see
wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn,
which pulls the skin up and they disappear."
"That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office. "Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor
asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made."
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor.
"Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers.
"Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren't bags, those
are your boobs, and if you don't leave that screw
alone, you're going to have a beard!"
==============================
STOCK MARKET WARNING
Normally I avoid discussing any advice received from our broker, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn
you since this explosive situation might prove to be yet another ENRON. Please review any holdings you might have in
the following stocks: American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company, Northern Tissue Company. Due to
uncertain market conditions, we advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas.
You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean. It's a
tough market out there. Be careful.
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