Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

My dad said to my mother, "You should go braless." She says, "Do you think my breasts are still perky enough?" He says, "No, but maybe it'd pull the wrinkles out of
your face." >>>He's still in the hospital!
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John walked into a Porsche dealership, opened the door of a new Boxster,took a seat behind the wheel and smiled. A salesman approached and asked, "Are you
thinking about buying this car?" "Oh, I'm definitely going to buy this car," John said, "but I'm thinking about *****."
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A farmer and his brand-new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, "That's
once." A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little while, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but he reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun, and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kinds of hell with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That's once."
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Stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:
- - At the movies when you meet acquaintances or friends:
Stupid Question: Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: Well, it's so hot, and there were no cool cabs, so I thought I'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

- - In the bus when a fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet. Stupid Question: Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia, so why don't you try again?

- - At a funeral when one of the teary-eyed people asks:
Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people?
Answer: Why? Would you rather it have been you?

- - At a restaurant when you ask the waiter:
Stupid Question: Is the "blah blah blah" dish good?
Answer: No, its terrible and made of last week's dish water. We occasionally also spit in it.

- -When a friend announces her wedding:
Stupid Question: Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer: No, he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout. It's just the money.

- - When you get awakened at midnight by a phone call:
Stupid Question: Sorry, were you sleeping?
Answer: No. I was just lying here waiting for you to phone.

- - When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair:
Stupid Question: Hey! Have you had a haircut?
Answer: No, it's spring, and I'm shedding.

- - At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects into your mouth:
Stupid Question: Will you tell me if it hurts?
Answer: Yeah, and while I'm telling you, you tell me if I bite.

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Hunks2002[1]

What The Doctor Really Means

Says: "This should be taken care of right away."
Means: "I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it
cures itself."

Says: "Welllllll, what have we here..."
Means: Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.

Says: "We'll see."
Means: "First I have to check my malpractice insurance."

Says: "Let me check your medical history."
Means: "I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you."

Says: "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
Means: "I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time." -or- "I need the money, so I'm charging you
for another office visit."

Says: "I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."
Means: "I hate those guys mooching in on our fees."

Says: "Hmmmmmmmm."
Means: Since he hasn't the faintest idea of what to do, he is trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the
nurse will interrupt. (Proctologist also say this a lot.)

Says: "We have some good news and some bad news."
Means: The good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you're going to pay for it.

Says: "Let's see how it develops."
Means: "Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured."

Says: "Let me schedule you for some tests."
Means: "I have a 40% interest in the lab."

Says: "How are we today?"
Means: "I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell."

Says: "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
Means: "I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig."

Says: "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
Means: "I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself."

Says: "That's quite a nasty looking wound."
Means: "I think I'm going to throw up."

Says: "This may smart a little."
Means: "Last week two patients bit through their tongues."

Says:"Everything seems to be normal."
Means: "I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all."

Says: "I'd like to run some more tests."
Means: "I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one."

Says: "Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
Means: He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees
.
Says: "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
Means: "I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week."