Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

Fun Facts


AveLargest Vagina: the female blue whale with a normal length of 6 to 8 feet.


Largest Human Vagina: belonged to a woman who was 7'8" tall.


Smallest Vagina: 2 or 3 centimeters - surgery is required for correction.


Longest Clitoris: recorded at 4* inches long and 1* inches diameter.


Longest Labia Minora: some African tribes enlarge their labia to 7 inches in length.


Largest Buttocks: Hottentot tribe have buttocks that each can be two or three feet.


Largest Breasts: 44-pounds breasts measuring 33 inches in circumference.


Most Breasts: In 1886 a french woman was recorded with ten individual breasts.


Most Orgasms: 134 in one hour for a woman - 16 for a man.


Longest Recorded Orgasm: 43-seconds with 25 consecutive contractions.


Longest Recorded Pubic Hair: 28" (71.12 cm) long.



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Bedtime Prayer For Men
As I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a woman, who's very cheap.

One who's sexy, blonde, and long;
Who notices that she's mostly wrong;

One who sucks AND doesn't speak;
And promises to do so once a week.

I pray that she is very randy,
Because one like that would come in handy.

Opens her leg and lies on the floor;
And once I'm done, she begs for more.

Oh! Send me a woman who won't play with my mind.
Who knows what she wants, and that's lots from behind!

One who'll make love till my body's twitchin'
And brings ME a beer when she comes from the kitchen.

I pray that she'll last right up to the end,
And would never complain when I do her best friend.

Thanks in advance and since you know I can't wait, I'll screw all the rest because it's never too late.

Amen
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At sporting events, during the playing of the National Anthem, Old
Geezers hold their caps over their hearts and sing without
embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them. Old Geezers
remember World War I, the Depression, World War II, Pearl Harbor,
Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the
Korean War, the Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing, not to
mention Vietnam.
If you bump into an Old Geezer on the sidewalk, he will apologize. If
you pass an Old Geezer on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a
lady. Old Geezers trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old Geezers
hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain
the lady is on the inside for protection.
Old Geezers get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and
children and they don't like any filth on TV or in movies. Old Geezers
have moral courage. They seldom brag unless it's about their
grandchildren.
It's the Old Geezers who know our great country is protected, not by
politicians or police, but by the young men and women in the military
serving their country.
This country needs Old Geezers with their decent values. We need them
now more than ever. Thank G-d for Old Geezers!
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Favorite Bumper Snickers:
I'd Rather Be Sad in a Rolls-Royce Than Happy on a Bicycle.
Yesterday I knew nothing; today I know that.
If you can read this, I am parked.
I got this car for my wife..not a bad trade.
You have to be really secure to be seen in this car.
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Red Skelton's Tips for a Happy Marriage

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food
and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a
long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There
are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I
asked where the car was, she told me, "In the Lake."

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No,
jump in!"

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.

12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
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Favorite Bumper Snickers
Don't kiss me stupid. **** me silly!

Thanks for honking......now piss off.

If you drink, drive -- drive with confidence!

I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

My pet is an honor patient at Citrus Heights Veterinary Hospital.
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