Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young
ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her
birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her
prescription to the pharmacist.
"Please fill this immediately," she said. "I've got people
waiting in my car!"
===========================
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender
gets worried."What's the matter?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy, "and now she
isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."
The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good
thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender.
"Yeah, except that THIS is the last day!" he muttered.
========================
The judge asked the woman why she wanted a divorce:
there was no sign that the husband was cruel, or wandering,
or any of the usual things that lead to this situation.

The woman replied that she was seeking the divorce on grounds of
hobosexuality.

The judge, trying to stifle his laughter, asked,
"Don't you mean homosexuality?"

"No!" she replied, "I mean hobosexuality... he's a bum lay!"
======================
Mickey and Minnie Mouse were at court for divorce proceedings.
The judge told Mickey, "Look here Mickey Mouse, I can't grant you
a divorce from Minnie!"Mickey Mouse was stunned and asked, "Why
not??!!"
The Judge said, "I've reviewed all the information you gave to
the court, but I can't find any evidence at all to support the
grounds that she is crazy!"
Mickey Mouse says, "Your Honor! I didn't say she was CRAZY, I
said she was f---ing Goofy!"
=========================
A doctor at an (insane) asylum, decided to take his inmates to a
baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to
respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything
seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor
yelled, "Up nuts!"
And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled,
"Down Nuts!"
And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they
all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and
a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there
was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what
happened. The assistant replied, "Well...everything was fine until
some guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"
=======================
In this age of safe sex the need for condoms are a must but some people
still have a difficult time buying them. Take my friend, Joe.
Our local store carries condoms behind the counter and you need
to ask the salesperson to get them.
So Joe went up to the salesperson, but he was so nervous he could only
ask where the straws were.
So he bought the straws and left only to have to come back to buy his
condoms.
Again Joe came into the store and was still so nervous he could only
ask where the tweezers were, so he bought a pair of tweezers and left.
Joe once again had to go back and buy his condoms. He went up to
the salesperson and said, in a low tone,
"I need some condoms." The salesperson rang up the
sale and said,
"First you come in to buy straws, then to buy tweezers,
and now to buy condoms."
"What I want to know is..... are you going to
suck it, pluck it, or f--k it?"
=========================
There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., regardless of
their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery... as to why the deaths
occurred around 11 a.m. on Sundays.
So a World-Wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., all
doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11... Pookie Johnson, the
part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
======================================
She was only the...

Admiral's Daughter, But Her Naval Base Was Always Full Of Discharged
Seamen!

Astronaut's Daughter, But She Knew How To Take Off.

Athlete's Daughter, But She Was Always Ready To Play Ball.

Australian's daughter, but she often got explored Down Under.

Aviarist's Daughter But She Liked A Cockatoo.