Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged
farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.

"Well, doc, 25 years ago..."

"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your
leg this morning."

"Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first
started working on the farm, that night, right
after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful
daughter came into my room. She asked me if there
was anything I wanted. I said no, everything is fine.

'Are you sure?' she asked.

'I'm sure,' I said. 'Isn't there anything I can
do for you?' she wanted to know.

'I reckon not' I replied.

"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this
story have to do with your leg?"

"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained,
"when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell
off the roof!"
-----============================--------------
Dear Tony,

I have been unable to sleep since I decided to break off your engagement
to my daughter. Will you forgive and forget? I was much too sensitive
about your mohawk, tattoo and pierced nose. I now realize that
motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I really should not have
reacted that way to the fact that you have never held a job. I am sure,
too, that some other very nice people live under the bridge in the park.

Sure my daughter is only 18 and wants to marry you instead of going to
Harvard on full scholarship. After all, you can't learn everything
about life from books. I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was
wrong. I was a fool. I have now come to my senses, and you have my full
blessing to marry my daughter.

Sincerely, Your future father-in-law

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.
==================================

The Top 15 Martha Stewart Prison Cell Decorating Tips


15> This fall, dress up that plain old orange jumpsuit with
a do-rag dyed with some ink you boosted from the license
plate shop.

14> A shiv makes an excellent olive pitter. And vice versa.

13> Looking for the perfect tassels to accent your "Home Sweet
Home" macrame? Try using your ex-lawyer's testicles.

12> Rat skins can be used to make adorable little bedroom slippers.

11> It's a good idea to have an adequate supply of your own blood
stored in dated Zip-Loc bags. You can keep them cool in your
toilet tank.

10> Remember: On the right of the metal dinner tray, place the
salad shank and the shrimp shiv.

9> A sock filled with rocks and tunneling dirt can produce a
festive and functional blackjack that can knock the eyebrows
off a rhino.

8> Save your teeth after prison yard beatings to string as
garland during the holidays.

7> You can make a decorative and functional toilet cozy by using
the carefully peeled skin of the stoolie who ratted you out.

6> Floating worthless stock certificates in the toilet turns the
water a pretty shade of blue.

5> When cell space is severely limited, body cavities offer
excellent supplemental storage spaces for small but highly
valued heirlooms.

4> A simple wall calendar comes in handy for keeping track of
which Big Mama owns you this week.

3> A pinch of Windex can spruce up even the blandest jug of
toilet wine.

2> A gentle soaking in a solution of vinegar and mineral water
will take the "ass smell" out of most contraband.

and the Number 1
Martha Stewart Prison Cell Decorating Tip...


1> Nothing says "home" like a bologna welcome mat.
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