Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
idiot.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD
IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your
friends and family are really dying for you to telephone them at 4
in the morning.
==========================================
"What's this I hear about you breaking off your engagement Bernice?
said her closest friend.
"Well," Bernice confirmed, "Although his diamond was of pretty good
quality, his mounting left a lot to be desired."
====================================
Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
If it weren't for women
Men's dicks would rust
=================================

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity
British Constitution
Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.
Oh, I just couldn't....No one wants to hear me sing
==============================
A new bride went to her doctor for a check up. Lacking knowledge of
the male anatomy, she asked the doctor
"What's that thing hanging between my husbands legs?"
The doctor replies "We call that the penis."
The new bride then asks
"What's that reddish/purple thing on the end of the penis?"
The doctor replies "We call that the head of the penis."
The bride then asks
"What are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the penis?"

The doctor replies

"Lady, on him I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!"
====================
What do Winona Ryder and a gynecologist have in common?
They both have sticky fingers.
===================
*** NOTICE ***

All Employees Are Requested To Take A BATH Before Reporting For Work.
Since We Have To Kiss Your ASS To Get You To Do Anything,
"We Want YOU To BE NICE & CLEAN ! !"
================================================== =====
It takes at least ten minutes (on average) for a man to masturbate.

----LET'S DO THE NUMBERS---------

134,349,027 men in the United States X 3 whack-offs/week
= 403,047,081 whack-offs/week

6 ten-minute-periods/hour X 24 hours/day X 7days/week
= 1,008 ten-minute-periods/week

403,047,081 whack-offs/week / 1,008 ten-minute-periods/week
= 399,848 whack-offs/ten-minute-period

399,848 whack-offs/ten-minute-period X 98% (Kinsey Factor)
= 391,851 whack-offs/ten-minute-period

----CONCLUSION-------------------

At any given moment (on average), 391,851 men in the United
States are whacking-off.
So,... be careful who you shake hands with!
=============================================
At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, "That new bull
nearly did me in today, partner."
"Oh yeah, what happened?"
"I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a
locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!"
"So, how'd you get away?"
"Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me
a chance to make it to the fence and jump over."
"Man, that's scary. If it'd been me, I would probably have **** all
over the place."
"I DID! What do you think the bull was slipping on?"