Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

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The two old coots were both only a year short of retirement from the
assembly line, but one Monday morning that didn't keep Joe from boasting
to Manny about his sexual endurance.

"Three times," gasped Manny admiringly.

"How'd you do it?"

"It was easy." Joe looked down modestly. "I made love to my wife, and
then I rolled over and took a ten-minute nap. When I woke up again, I
made love to her again and took another ten-minute nap. And then I put
it to her again. Can you believe it! I woke up this morning feeling like
a bull, I'll tell you."

"I gotta try it," said Manny.

So that night he made love to his wife, took a ten-minute nap, made love
to her again, took another nap, woke up and made love to her a third
time, then rolled over and fell sound asleep. He woke up feeling like a
million bucks, pulled on his clothes, and ran to the factory, where he
found his boss waiting outside for him.

"What's up, Boss?" he asked. "I've been working for you for twenty years
and never been late once. You aren't going to hold these twenty minutes
against me now, are you?"

"What twenty minutes?" growled the boss. "Where the hell were you on
Tuesday and Wednesday?
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Top 10 Signs That Your Son Has Out Grown Breast Feeding

10. He can open your blouse by himself.
9. While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other.
8. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.
7. He keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.
6. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee.
5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine.
4. After each feeding, he has a smoke.
3. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner.
2. You feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to "Dueling Banjos."
1. Beard abrasions on areola.
===================================
Men are like..Laxatives: They irritate the **** out of you.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Bananas: The older they get, the less firm they
are.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Vacations: They never seem to be long enough.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Weather: Nothing can be done to change them.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Blenders: You need one, but you're not sure
quite why.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Coffee: The best ones are rich, warm and can
keep you up all night long.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Commercials: You can't believe a word they say.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Government bonds: They take sooooooo long to
mature.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Horoscopes: They always tell you what to do and
are usually wrong.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Mascara: They usually run at the first sign of
emotion.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Popcorn: They satisfy you, but only for a little
while.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Snowstorms: You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Lava Lamps: Fun to look at, but not very bright.
> > > >> >
Men are like...Parking spots: All the good ones are taken, the
rest are handicapped
================================================== ===
VIRUS ALERT
Paul Revere Virus - This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack:
Once, if by LAN; twice if by C

Texas Virus - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Airline Luggage Virus - You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Star Trek Virus - Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Health Care Virus - Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus - Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg.

Ollie North Virus - Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files

Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

AT&T Virus - Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI Virus - Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Politically Correct Virus - Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Ross Perot Virus - Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits on you.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Government Economist Virus - Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says that everything is fine.

Federal Bureaucrat Virus - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important
part of your computer.

Adam and Eve Virus - Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

PBS Virus - Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Jimmy Hoffa Virus - Your programs can never be found again.