Joke of the Day...

[Mark IV]

Hi-Tech Humor



Scott was struggling through the airport terminal with his obviously heavy suitcase when Bill Gates asked him the time.


Scott didn't recognize him, but pushed a button on his watch. The watch said out loud, "It's five fifty."


"Hey, cool watch!" said Bill.


Scott replied, "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this..." He displayed every time zone in the world, pressed a button and the watch announced, "The time is four fifty-one" in a Texas drawl. Another few pushes and the watch gave the time in Japan -- in Japanese!


Scott explained, "It includes a region-appropriate accent for each time zone."


Gates is impressed.


"That's not all," said Scott as he pushed a few more buttons and a tiny hi-res map of New York City appeared on its display. "The flashing dot shows our location via GPS," he explained. "View: recede ten," Scott ordered and the display changed to show eastern New York state.


"I need this watch!" said Gates.


"Oh, it's not yet ready for sale; I'm still working out some bugs," said its inventor. "Besides, I haven't shown you the FM radio receiver with digital tuner, the sonar device that measures distances underwater, the pager, the fax machine, the digital camera, the MP3 player with 300GB drive, video playback, Bluetooth, WiFi and WiMax..."


"How about $10,000?" said Gates.


"Oh, no. I've already spent more than on..."


"$20,000?"


"But it's not..."


"$50,000 -- in cash!" Bill opened his briefcase, which was filled with hundred dollar bills.


Scott thought, "I've only got about $5,000 into this and with 50K I can make another one that's better. I can be ready for merchandising in a year..."


Scott made his decision, "Okay, it's yours!"


He removed the watch and handed it to Gates, who happily walked away.


"Hey, wait up!" Scott called.


Gates turned around and said, "What?"


Scott pointed to the heavy suitcase he had been wrestling through the terminal. "Don't forget your battery!"

[Ron61]

Embarrassing Medical Exams

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble >with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the >Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered.."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................


8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. wouldn't submit his name.