Just got back froim having Mary cut my hair. All 9 of them. She said to call her before she goes to Salt Lake next month and she would do it again. Not so hot here today as it is only 95 with hardly no humidity. I am going to put some stuff in this post that I received, so it will be a long one.
YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID
EIGHTH PLACE:
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.
SEVENTH PLACE:
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
SIXTH PLACE:
Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said ,
21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Daniel Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
FIFTH PLACE:
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep
his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
FOURTH PLACE:
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del , as he won
a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
As Ron White often says: " You can't fix stupid." These people prove
it is a terminal condition.
As always, competition this year has been keen.
THIRD PLACE:
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC
appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a
previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee
before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer
with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several
customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and
fired.
The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange
of fire.
HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in
their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
TACOMA, WA . Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one
had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured
around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His
fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and
was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is
that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other
explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER...
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of
poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive
oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no
one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... "**** happens."
SEE? YOU REALLY CANNOT FIX STUPID.......
Ron
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