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[4RE KLR]

GMW

Ahhh its nice outside this morning.Nice and crisp, not too cold just yet.

Winter is good for homemade Chili. Ummm Ummm
Anyone remember the one about the Texas Chili Cook off?

[wtm442]

Originally Posted by Ron the Relic

I have to agree with Fred. Who on here said that you two are normal?
Ron

Just call me "ab". I passed 6 feet tall and 200 lbs in the sixth grade.

Just got 20 cans of Chunky soup at $1.25 each. That should keep me happy for a while. I just added it to the 40 or so cans of various brands of soup in the pantry.

Originally Posted by Uncle SteveO

:Anyone remember the one about the Texas Chili Cook off?

Its been posted on CC at least 3 times. First time I read it I was laughing so hard I was crying.

[392cobra]

Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced.

CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb ***** is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Freakin' Rednecks! ! !

CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

FRANK: You could put a #)$^@#*&! Grenade in my mouth, pull the #)$^@#*&! pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my X*$(@#^&$ mouth. My pants are full of lava-like ****, to match my X*$(@#^&$ shirt. At least the during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild now hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

FRANK: - - - - - Mama?- - -

[trularin]

I see we are recycling the humor from days gone past. Thanks Fred, it is still a good read.

Fixed the tiller today. Dang thing wanted to go off on its own. Fixed the barn door, that took near three hours. Sharpened ten saw blades, oiled and ready for the weather.

I suppose when the snow falls and I have to move the tractors into the big barn...winter will be here.

Ron, the tiller worked well, I did the entire garden in two hours.

[Ron61]

Tru,

You accomplished quite a bit for your weekend off. I suppose that after his trip to the store Warren had to take a couple of naps and then sleep for an hour or so after all of that WORK.

I worked around the house and yard some. It was 86 here yesterday afternoon and they say 87 today.

I talked to my cousin yesterday and he said they got gas at $2.29 there and he had heard that in Springfield, Missouri it was below $2 a gallon in some places. And here we are happy that ours had dropped all the way down to $3.49 a gallon.

Ron

[wtm442]

Ron
Stop swearing in this thread! You know that work is a 4 letter word.

Good morning world. Tough day today. I have to read the newspaper and go to the Olive Garden for my brother-in-laws birthday party.

[Ron61]

Warren,

Do they have Olives at your Olive Garden? We have one between here and Sacramento that I normally stop in to eat when I go down there. They have an assortment of things made out of olives. But I don't much care for olives so I normally order something else. Have you tried Olive Chili?

Ron

[392cobra]

Originally Posted by Ron61

Warren,

Have you tried Olive Chili?

Ron

Olives and Chili should never be used together on the same planet.


"Good coffee should be indistinguishable from 50 weight motor oil."

[Ron61]

Two more small furniture stores are closing here next week. It won't
be long until I have to drive to Sacramento to buy anything if this keeps up. And another 10 to 20 people out of work.

Ron

[wtm442]

Olives - yeuckkkkkk. They even have an olive cart at my supermarket .. must be 25 different olives. They look like froggie turds.



Ron, next time you go to the Olive Garden, look at page 3 of the menu, way down the bottom in 1 pt type ... they have 27 gazillion different Italian dinners.

To make the dinner party easily accessible to everyone coming, I've got the longest drive ... about 60 miles. Too bad its raining. The temp is up to 58°F at 8 AM and if the sun was out, I'd probably take the Cobra.

[Ron61]

So you have rain now. I talked to my cousin in Arkansas last night and he said it was getting cooler there but no rain for a while. They are taking the Cobra for a long drive somewhere today. They have met another couple around there and may make the drive together. He said the colors back there are really nice now.

Ron

[4RE KLR]

Goon morning everyone.

Nice day outside here right now.

[trularin]

Raining here. I suppose this will all head to Massachusetts.

Ron, with the cooler weather you are getting, do you want me to send you a jacket?

Got one fire going today. It is a lazy day, got a couple of things to do, but hope to take a nice walk after the rain moves on. Yukon wants to go out and sniff the tilled Earth out by the seed barn. I need to dump ash and look at dropping the hydraulic deck.

Fred, you should teach your son as much as you can...so he can fix your cars when you get as old as Ron.

Well, Steve is enjoying the day outside in Texas and I am going to go back to work.

I do believe there will be a good discussion about amphibians for a while.

[trularin]

BTW, Black olives have been used in a number of Chili recipes with good reception.

Having had Texas chili and New England chili, I have to say that a mild Texas chili seems to have more life and IMHO tastes better. Not the flame thrower as so well documented by Fred's re-post, but a mild hardy chili on a cold afternoon after four hours out in the weather is very welcome.

[wtm442]

Originally Posted by trularin

Having had Texas chili and New England chili, I have to say that a mild Texas chili seems to have more life and IMHO tastes better.

Not better than my chili. Easy to make, tastes good!

Warren’s Chili – Mild but Tangy makes about 8 cups

2 green peppers, chopped med
1 large onion, chopped med
2 cloves garlic, chopped fine or crushed
1 lb. Hamburg (I use 93% lean to reduce the fat)
3 cups water
2 cans of peeled tomatoes (28 oz) – chop into small clumps while mixing ingredients
1/2 tsp celery seed
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp crushed cumin seed
1 1/2 Tbsp chili powder
1/8 tsp basil
1 tsp black pepper
2 large bay leaves
2 cans red kidney beans (19 oz), rinsed and drained


• Sauté onions and green peppers using Pam Spray. Add garlic and sauté for 1 minute. Do not burn the garlic.
• Add crumbled Hamburg – cook until brown.
• Add remaining ingredients, except for kidney beans.
• Reduce heat and simmer uncovered at least 2 hours (do not boil).
• Add additional spices to taste - black or cayenne pepper, cumin seed, chili powder or other spices. I do not add any salt – I sometimes add only an additional 1/8 to ¼ tsp of cumin seed and ¼ to ½ Tbs chili powder. Of course, if you like your chili hot, dump in additional cayenne pepper.
• Add kidney beans and mix
• Simmer uncovered for 1 more hour (add water if too thick) – Remove bay leaves.
• Enjoy!


1 cup serving only 310 calories (8 gms fat)

[Ron61]

Warren,

that looks like a great receipt except you left out the 1/2 pound of Turtle meat.

Tru,

It is getting cooler here and I have to wear a jacket in the early mornings until the sun comes up. I even turn the heater on to take the chill out of the house and then in the afternoon I use the air conditioner a little. I went to the store this morning and the clerk told me she heard we were supposed to have some rain next week. I sure hope that she is right. When Fred Gets to the age I am now they won't have cars anymore. Everyone will be zipping around in the Jetson type vehicles. Wonder if I could start a Cobra type of them and getaway with it.

Ron

[HI Cobra]

Rainy weekend here - still in the 80's.
Ron, looks like you are tied with us for gas prices.
Diesel here is still close to $5.00. Glad I don't use that.

[trularin]

Well, the sun came out.

Don't know how long that will last, but it makes the difference between a coat and a sweat-shirt.

[392cobra]

Originally Posted by Ron61

Warren,

that looks like a great receipt except you left out the 1/2 pound of Turtle meat.

Ron

What Ron Said.

[wtm442]

Olive Garden was good ...as usual. Had the 'Tour of Italy' ... pasta with Alfredo sauce, lasagna and chicken parmigiana. Of course, had some nice hors-dourves .... fried calamari, fried zucchini, some things I have no idea what they were but tasted good, along with the salad and a bread stick.

I'm still full and its been 6 hours since the meal. Someone please play Taps for my diet.

Time to watch the ball game.