Jokes

[cobra de capell]

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"



Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."



An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! Didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."



Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast ?"



A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"




Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."



A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."



Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."


One more. . !


A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

[cobra de capell]

[cobra de capell]

Homeland Security is collecting profiles on all air travelers, including such important information as where they sit on the plane and motor vehicle records. They're using this data to create a score to determine whether you're safe to fly the friendly skies, which they will store in a database and then promptly lose the password.

There are no legally published guidelines or SAT prep. The government won't let you see the score they've assigned you, because you might realize "Oh yes. I'm actually a Yemeni sleeper agent. Good thing I found out my score."

We have obtained a leaked copy of the scoring guidelines so you can take this test yourself. The higher you score, the higher your risk. Please don't look at anyone else's paper, and the penalty for guessing is a four-night stay at a hidden interrogation cell in Riyadh.

1. You have a screaming baby. 20 pts.
2. You are a screaming baby. 40 pts.
3. Your first name is Mohammad. 10 pts.
4. The bomb strapped to your chest is for 'self-defense'. 10 pts.
5. You stow your roller bag the wrong way in the overhead bin 30 pts
6. Your last name is Mohammad. 10 pts.
7. You prefer the middle seat. 50 pts.
8. You are a member of the mile-high club? 10 pts.
9. You've illegally downloaded music. 70 pts.
10. You demand the full can of soda during beverage service 20 pts.
11. Finish the sentence: Death to________! America – 50 pts. Britain – 10 pts. France – 0 pts.
12. You watch the inflight movie with your own headphones 20 pts.
13. You watch the entire safety demonstration every time you fly: 25 pts.
14. Both your first name and last name are Mohammad. 30 pts.
15. You ate the entire inflight meal. 40 pts.
16. You haven't illegally downloaded music, but the RIAA sent you a cease and desist letter anyway: 20 pts.
17. You lit matches to cover up for gas after eating the inflight meal. 20 pts.
18. You only have one name, and it is Mohammad 40 pts.
19. You root for the bad guys in "24". 60 pts.
20. You cut me off in the parking lot today: 95 pts.
21. You arrived in America in a shipping container. 20 pts.
22. You asked for a vegan meal. 60 pts.
23. You did the inflight magazine crossword puzzle in pen. 90 pts.
24. You show up 24 hours early to get a good seat when you fly Southwest. 15 pts.

Your Score
0 – you are lying and are a terrorist.
1-200: we're going to adjust your score to inflate our numbers for budgetary purposes.
201- 450: you're probably safe but we'll make you walk through the puffy air machine every time.
451-700: you've racked up enough frequent flier miles to fly free to Yemen.
701 or above: you are such a terrorist you are part of the plot in this season of "24".

[cobra de capell]

[cobra de capell]

EMERGENCY ROOM

The other day, I needed to go to the emergency room.

Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Air Force fatigues and stuck a patch that I had downloaded off the internet onto the front of my shirt.

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.

Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.

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It also works well if you ever have to use a Laundromat

[cobra de capell]

A salesman was traveling through the country side, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. “Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it.”

The farmer was dubious.

“Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I’ll buy a whole case from you. and get everyone in the county to buy a case. We will make you rich.

The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer.

The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him.

The farmer was perplexed. “Son,” he said, “Now, you don’t have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?”

The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked, “Doesn’t that calf have a mother?

[cobra de capell]

Afghanistan Newspapers
Classified Ads

For Sale: Huge cave, ventilated, isolated for privacy, rock
solid. More ventilation is added daily due to heavy bombardment. Free
ear plugs included! Call 1-800-BIG-BANG.

For Sale: Terrorist training course. Learn from my mistakes.
Includes my exclusive list of countries you shouldn’t mess
with, they get really mad! Damn cowboys.
Call 1-800-IMA-DOPE.

Wanted: A safe place to cower in fear while I talk big and
pervert the minds of the young and senseless. Preferably near a teeming
population of highly gullible people that
would be susceptible to empty promises of vain-glory.
Call 1-800-YOU-FOOL

For Sale: Wives, variety of ages. Looks unimportant, lovely
burkas! Reason for selling: they can’t run fast.
Call 1-800-SLO- LADY.

Wanted: Tank repairman. Must have own tools and be able
to work without missing parts. Location: a little here, a little there,
little pieces everywhere.
Call 1-800-BLO-MEUP

Wanted: Emotional counseling for misunderstood former
terrorist with delusions of grandeur. Severely depressed, even my mother
doesn’t love me.
Call 1-800-WOE-ISME.

[cobra de capell]

An Irish woman of advancing years visited her physician to solicit his help in reviving her husband's flailing libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take anaspirin!"

"Not to fret," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra."

"What's an Irish Viagra, Doctor?"

"That's where you just drop the Viagra into his morning coffee. He won't even taste it," replied the doctor. "Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

Not even a week had gone by before she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to the progress of the experiment.

The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid, just too terrible, doc!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised. I slipped the Viagra into his morning coff ee and it took effect almost immediately. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging proudly! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth a flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me right on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean to say the sex your husband gave you wasn't any good?"

"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! T'was the best sex I've had in twenty-five years! But sure as I'm sittin' here before you, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"

[cobra de capell]

Trip To Wal-mart

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms ".

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog [censored] on your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.
The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog [censored] on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. F**t out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.

[cobra de capell]

Another one from Walmart

From: The Invetigative Reports Bureau Of The Postman's Corner Wal-Mart announced Today that "All" Texas stores will begin offering cutomers a new discount item. Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallow Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-$5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their grocery carts, but "there is a market for inexpensive wine," said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at University of Arkansas Bentonville.

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand that will be sold ONLY in Texas.

The top ten names in popularity were:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Champion Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasty Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (possum) or red meat (squirrel)

[cobra de capell]

Wal-Mart has everything
________________________________________
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe said to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like [censored]. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replied. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposited a urine sample in a small jar and took it to Wal-Mart.

He deposited ten dollars, and the computer lit up and asked for the urine sample.
He poured the sample into the slot and waited.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejected a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurried back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results .

The computer printed the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shamp oo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

[cobra de capell]

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

[Ron61]

I Speak Blonde

The plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class
gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy Class and that she
will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston,
and I'm staying right here."

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and
the co-pilot that there is a blonde sitting in First class that belongs
in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that
because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston
and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to
reason.

The pilot says, "You say she is blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married
to a blonde. I speak blonde."

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says,
"Oh, I'm sorry." And she gets up and goes back to her seat in Economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he
said to make her move without any fuss.

I told her, "First class isn't going to Houston."

[Excaliber]

Why do chicken coups have two doors?
If they had four doors they would be chicken sedans!



What's Irish and stays out all night?
Patty O'Furniture

[cobra de capell]

A man gets up one morning to find his wife already in the kitchen cooking. He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees
one of his socks in the frying pan.

"What are you doing?" he asks. "I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied

Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..."
_____

A guy dies and goes to [censored]. Satan tells him he has 3 choices of how he will spend eternity. There are 3 doors, and Satan leads him to the first door and opens it. In a large, carpeted room, there are people standing on their heads. They guy isn't sure that he wants to spend eternity standing on his head, so they go to the 2nd door. Behind that door, there are more people standing on their heads, only this room has a concrete floor. He thinks that if he has to spend eternity on his head, the 1st room would be preferable to the 2nd. They go to the 3rd door, and in this room, people are standing knee-deep in poop, and they are all drinking coffee. The guy figures that wouldn't be so bad--he'd get used to the smell, and he likes coffee, so he opts for that room. He enters and begins to drink his coffee, thinking it's not so bad when a buzzer goes off, and a voice on a loud speaker says, "OK, coffee break's over--back on your heads!"

[cobra de capell]

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The thin one leaned over and said, “Life is so darned boring. We never have any fun any more. For $5.00 I’d take my clothes off and str**k through that stupid flower show!”

“You’re on!” said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.

The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely n***d, str**ked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The smiling and n**ed old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

“What happened?” asked her waiting friend.

“I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement.”

[Ron61]

A little political humor for you.

This one is a little different..
Two Different Versions! Two Different Morals!

OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

MODERN VERSION:


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances
and
plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference
and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while
others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable
home
with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp
contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
everybody
cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house
where
the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Jesse
then
has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry
King that
the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both
call for
an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper
Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of
green
bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home
is
confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel
of
federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of
single-parent
welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last
bits of
the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just
happens to be
the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain
it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the
house,
now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the
once
peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote.

[cobra de capell]

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club.But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

[cobra de capell]

Those Tennessee Kids

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc, but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.

It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much. We go on “route marches”, which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6” and 130 pounds, and he’s 6’8” and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Gail

[cobra de capell]

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock)
You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6 WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

7. "Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
(because if they all went, it would be Hell.)