Jokes

[bliss]

Observations on Growing Older

~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them....but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good..
Coming home is better!

~When people say you look "Great"... They add "for your age!"

~When you needed the discount, you paid full price.
Now you get discounts on everything... Movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

~You forget names.... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!

~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything.... Especially golf.

~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.

~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.

~Your spouse sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he or she does in bed. It's called their "pre-sleep".

~Remember when your mother said, "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

~You used to say, "I hope my kids GET married...
Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem....
Were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table

~You tend to use more 4 letter words ...
"what?"..."when?"... ???

~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~Your husband/wife has a night out with the guys or gals but is home by 9:00 P.M. Next week it will be 8:30 P.M.

~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~Now that your spouse has retired ....
You'd give anything if he/she would find a job!

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ....
2 of which you will never wear.

~~~~But old is good in some things:
Old songs,
Old movies,
And best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!
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Looking to sell a good digital camera. I don't need it any longer as I'm in the hospital. I'm including the last photo that I took so that you have some idea about the picture quality.

(See attached image)

http://photos.smugmug.com/photos/68895783_fawDT-M.jpg
_____

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his cancer stricken father will die, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away."I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "But in just a few years my father will die and I will inherit $200 million". "Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.