Jokes

[bliss]

I went to see a fortune teller today.

When I walked out of the room my wife asked how it went.

"Fantastic!" I replied, "Couldn't have had better news."

"Ooh," she giggled. "I might get my future told."

"I wouldn't if I were you," I replied.
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Don't think Beethoven quite had this in mind when composing !!
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Watch This Special Footage Of A Man Who Hates His Job Even More Than You Do | Happy Place

[bliss]

Facts About Sex

At Any Given Moment:


FACT:

79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!

FACT:

58,000,000 are kissing.

FACT:

37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

FACT:

1 ClubCobra member is reading joke posts.



You hang in there, Sunshine ........

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SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam. Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted ......

The waiting room was filled with patients.

As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. I gave her my name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man. But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."
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So dad, how do you like the iPad we got you? [VIDEO]

[Art Burtt]

I'm a little overwelmed today,I saw a sign that said only I can stop forest fires! Why me?

[bliss]

Only the French could get away with this!

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/25BHem...be.com/watch%2...

Rated R
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Hard to argue this logic

Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Here is proof that they are wrong.


A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it would be nice to have another kid."

You never hear a guy say, "I would like another kick in the nuts."

Case closed.

[FWB]

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight