Jokes

[bliss]

There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.

The guy said, "It’s simple. I just say, I’m a lawyer."

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, "Oh!!!! You’re a lawyer?"

He said, "Why,... Yes I am!"

So they went to his place and when they were in bed he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I’m already screwing someone!"

[bliss]

[bliss]

Old Jewish joke...



...an old Jewish man:


An Old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts for $100?"


"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again.

"Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000?!"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000... Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'

"Nah," says the little old Jewish man... "Costs too much!"

[bliss]

This Is how the border between India and Pakistan is closed every evening!!
This is not a Monty Python comedy skit, but it does resemble one.
Keep in mind that each of these countries have nuclear weapons!!!

click below:
How the border between India and Pakistan is closed, every day. [VIDEO]

Also......

[bliss]

A man comes home from a night of drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife snaps at him, “what’s the big idea coming home half drunk?”

The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.”
_____

Whats the difference between light and hard????



Men can sleep with a light on!!!!!
_____

The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street , the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

She said “well , he was a big muscular and handsome sailor”. “Well , what did he want to do?” They all asked. She said ” I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn’t have that much”.

So I told him that oral sex would be $75, but he didn’t have that much either”.

“Finally I said, well how much do you have”? The sailor said that he only had $25.

The new hooker said “well, for $25 all I can do is service you by hand”.

He agreed and after getting the finance straight, she said “he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then a second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand”

“Oh my god” they all exclaimed, it must have been huge,then what did you do?”

I loaned him $75!” she said.

[dave from mesa]

SEX AT 70

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 70.
I'm so happy, because I live at number 72.
So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street. I don't have to cross the road!
Life is good!!!!