Jokes

[bliss]

Is this like saying STFU?

[bliss]

Works for me....



Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After along period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

”I wasn't!“

[bliss]

From Twitter:

@FussySaffa
If a man says something and a woman isn't around to hear it, is he still wrong?



and a bonus:

@FussySaffa
I am excited! After the Christmas holidays, my hula hoop should fit me perfectly.

[bliss]

Q. What's got four legs and one arm?
A. A Rottweiler.

Q. Do you know what 6.9 is?
A. A good thing screwed up by a period.

Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.

Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A. Very satisfying.

Q. Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?
A. He was half nuts!!!

Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.

Q: Why do men name their penis?
A: They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of
their decisions.

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.

Q: Why don't women have any brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to keep them in.

Q: What is the difference between a geneologist and a gynecologist?
A: A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your bush.

Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A: They're hiring.

Q: What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

Q: What's the Cuban national anthem?
A: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.

Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.

[bliss]

For most people when you lose your "khakis" you've lost your pants. When you're from the north eastern part of the country & lose your "khakis" you can't start your car.
_____

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.

"These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"