Jokes

[bliss]

A mushroom walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms."

The mushroom says, "But I'm a 'fun guy.'"
_____

The Sierra Club and the U. S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.
What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U. S. Forest Service.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.
Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand our problem here. These coyotes ain't screwing'' our sheep, they're eatin' 'em!"
The meeting never did get back to order.
_____

Every "last nickle"

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father
realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him
on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.


A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue
business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and
sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks
up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places
it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way,
unhurried, across the restaurant.


Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of
the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first
and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses
violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly
catches in her free hand.


Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the
father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a
word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the
father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying,
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was
fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

"No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."