Jokes

[NewYorkGuy]

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS90kgX1vJM[/ame]

[bliss]

Shipwrecked....

On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

- Two Italian men and one Italian woman

- Two French men and one French woman

- Two German men and one German woman

- Two Greek men and one Greek woman

- Two English men and one English woman

- Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman

- Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman

- Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman

- Two Irish men and one Irish woman

- Two American men and one American woman


One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:


* One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

* The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois.

* The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

* The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

* The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

* The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.

* The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

* The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.

* The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they're satisfied because the English aren't having any fun.

* The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a goddamn cell phone so they could call 911 and get rescued off this god-forsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping...

[bliss]

Google is obviously a girl... because it won't let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.

I'm not saying I'm Superman, I'm just saying that no one has ever seen me and Superman in the same room together.....

Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween...I guess they don't appreciate random strangers coming up to their doors.

Another fine day ruined by responsibility.

National Sarcasm Society....Yeah right, like we need your support.

Thank you for calling customer support...My name is Habib Akmed Mufassa Osama Akmed Habib. How may I misunderstand you and piss you off today?

Thank you for informing me you have a stick figure family of 6. Your minivan had me under the impression you were wild and single.

Serial killers rarely answer questions like “Who’s there?”

Make sure your goals are unattainable so you'll feel a little better about giving up later.

If history repeats itself, I really want a dinosaur.

Kinstipation: the painful inability to get visiting relatives out.