Jokes

bliss · #1 (**permalink**) 10-19-2014, 10:40 AM

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with
their husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband:
"I love you, sweetheart." Then, the women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:

I think some are hilarious...if you have been married for quite a while, a sign of true love... who else would you reply to in such a succinct and honest way.

1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeh, and I love you too. What's up with you??
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the f*ck did you do now?
8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she???
_____

Wait! What....

Ibr8k4vetts · #2 (**permalink**) 10-19-2014, 07:22 PM

Hey Bliss,
That video of the surfer was taken just down the road from where I live.

Buzz · #3 (**permalink**) 10-21-2014, 08:28 AM

Lol - great stuff - including all the posts before this one - keep them coming. You can tell by the horizontal tail fins in this vid though, that these are porpoises, not sharks. A buddy of mine saw a shark silhouetted in a large wave once while spearfishing. Definitely got his attention!

Ibr8k4vetts · #4 (**permalink**) 10-21-2014, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buzz

Lol - great stuff - including all the posts before this one - keep them coming. You can tell by the horizontal tail fins in this vid though, that these are porpoises, not sharks. A buddy of mine saw a shark silhouetted in a large wave once while spearfishing. Definitely got his attention!

Yep Porpoises, See them all the time here at the Rincon in Ca.

bliss · #5 (**permalink**) 10-24-2014, 09:06 AM

After both suffering from depression for a while me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday.

But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Screw it, soldier on!”
_____

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!

I panicked. I did not know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
_____

bliss · #6 (**permalink**) 10-25-2014, 03:28 PM

I picked up a copy, it really helped me deal with my issue...plus it makes for a great coffee table book.

bliss · #7 (**permalink**) 10-31-2014, 08:05 AM

A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun."

"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.

The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."

"So tell me then," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you living in Dearborn Michigan , and still wearing all this sh^t?
______

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence....

Molly put up her hand and said,
"My family went to my granddad's farm,
and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating...."

The teacher said,
"That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating...."

Sally raised her hand....
She said,
"My family went to see Rock City and I was "fascinated...."

The teacher said,
"Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate...."

Little Johnny raised his hand....
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before....

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him....

Johnny said,
"My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight...."

The teacher sat down and cried....