Jokes

[bliss]

Drive-through ATM:

Him: Pull up to ATM,insert card, enter PIN, take cash,card and receipt,drive away.

Her: Pull up to ATM,back up and pull forward to get closer,shut off engine,put keys in purse,get out of car because you are too far from machine,hunt in purse for card,insert card,hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it,enter PIN,study instructions,hit "cancel",re-insert card and re-enter correct PIN,check balance,look for envelope,look in purse for pen,make cash withdrawal,get in car,check makeup,look for keys,start car,check makeup,start pulling away,stop,back up to machine,get out of car,take card and receipt,get back in car,put card in wallet, put receipt in check book,enter withdrawal in check book,clear area in purse for wallet and check book,check makeup put car in reverse,put car in first gear,drive away from machine,drive three miles,release handbrake.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.
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