Jokes

[bliss]

"Geezers" (slang for an old man) are easy to spot:

At sporting events, during the playing of
the National Anthem, Old Geezers hold
their caps over their hearts and sing without
embarrassment. They know the words and
believe in them.

Old Geezers remember the Depression, World
War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy
and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age,
the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age
and the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam.

If you bump into an Old Geezer on the sidewalk,
he will apologize. If you pass an Old Geezer
on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a
lady. Old Geezers trust strangers and are
courtly to women. Old Geezers hold the door
for the next person and always, when walking,
make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.

Old Geezers get embarrassed if someone curses
in front of women and children and they don't like
any filth on TV or in movies. Old Geezers have
moral courage. They seldom brag unless it's
about their grandchildren.

It's the Old Geezers who know our great country
is protected, not by politicians or police, but by
the young men and women in the military serving their country.

This country needs Old Geezers with their decent
values. We need them now more than ever.
Thank God for Old Geezers!
_____

Old Geezer's advice....

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

* Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get
older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with,
watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a
lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot
easier than puttin' it back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some
influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

[bliss]

Beliefs....

I can't believe how old people my age are.

My superpower is holding onto junk for years and throwing it away a week before I need it.

Sometimes I look at my wife and think "Damn you are one lucky woman"

When you are dead, you don't know you are dead.
It is difficult only for the others.
It is the same when you are stupid.
_____

An old man was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get - Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?"
The wise one answered, "Definitely Parkinson's.
Better to spill half an ounce of Crown Royal whiskey, than to forget where you keep the bottle!!"
_____