Jokes

[Ron61]

Are you having a Bad Day????
Well, then, consider this...............................
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running
from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away
from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood,
breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily
listening to his Walkman.

Having a Bad Day????
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil
spill in Alaska was $ 80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid
cheers and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the
same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their
medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had
something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as
to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a worldwide
team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the
doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding
wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the
evil spirits. ..Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the
part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life
support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

STILL think you're having a Bad Day????
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending
pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand
pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.
The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day????
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it
was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits
. There now, feeling better????

[Mark IV]

Originally Posted by Ron61

Are you having a Bad Day????
Well, then, consider this...............................
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running
from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away
from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood,
breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily
listening to his Walkman.

Having a Bad Day????
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil
spill in Alaska was $ 80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid
cheers and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the
same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their
medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had
something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as
to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a worldwide
team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the
doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding
wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the
evil spirits. ..Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the
part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life
support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

STILL think you're having a Bad Day????
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending
pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand
pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.
The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day????
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it
was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits
. There now, feeling better????

and the rest of the story....

http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/fakenews.htm

Rick

[Tinker51]

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very
serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." "The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."