Jokes

[Ralph_C]

A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage.

The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a orbit
listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been
married.

She goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

Finally having enough, the counselor abruptly gets up, walks around the
desk, embraces the wife and kisses her passionately.

The woman shuts up and pleasantly stunned, sits quietly in a daze.

The counselor turns to the husband and says, "This is what your wife needs
at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thinks for a moment and replies,"Well, I can drop her off here
on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."

[wtm442]

At dawn the telephone rings.
"Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your
country house.""Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot died.
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird.
What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat, Senor Rod"
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?""The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Si, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor"
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught
on fire."
"What the hell??....Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed
because of a candle??!!!
"Si Senor Rod."
"But there's electricity at the house!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor Rod."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL"?
"Your wife's, Senor Rod...She showed up one night out of the
blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger
Woods Nike Driver."
SILENCE.................. LONG SILENCE.............
"Ernesto if you broke that driver, you're in deep $hit".