Jokes

[cobra de capell]

A visit to Grandpa in the Republican Old Folks Home.
How's it going Grandpa? Sorry we couldn't get you into the Democrat Old Folks Home but they were full up with illegal immigrants.

That's OK son. It's fine here. This is a wonderful place.

Glad to hear it Grandpa. What makes it wonderful?

Well, your accomplishments in life are recognized here all the time. There is a guy who was a doctor but he hasn't practiced medicine in over 30 years and everybody still calls him Doc. And there is a retired military man who hasn't been in uniform in over 40 years and everyone still calls him Colonel.

That's nice Grandpa.

And the greatest thing of all, I haven't had sex in over 25 years but everybody refers to me as the F*****g Democrat.

[cobra de capell]

A visit to Grandpa in the Republican Old Folks Home.
How's it going Grandpa? Sorry we couldn't get you into the Democrat Old Folks Home but they were full up with illegal immigrants.

That's OK son. It's fine here. This is a wonderful place.

Glad to hear it Grandpa. What makes it wonderful?

Well, your accomplishments in life are recognized here all the time. There is a guy who was a doctor but he hasn't practiced medicine in over 30 years and everybody still calls him Doc. And there is a retired military man who hasn't been in uniform in over 40 years and everyone still calls him Colonel.

That's nice Grandpa.

And the greatest thing of all, I haven't had sex in over 25 years but everybody refers to me as the F*****g Democrat.

[Cobrabill]

Headlines from the year 2029

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and e xercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030 .

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

[Cobrabill]

Something to Offend Nearly Everyone

Q. What's the Cuban national anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar.

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong.

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.

Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at half-mast?
A. They're hiring.

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp.

Q. Why do Driver Education classes in redneckschools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a descriptionof the animal on the front of the cage
along with a recipe.

Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****."

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the USA!.

[cobra de capell]

As a man lay dying, he reached out to his wife.
"There's something I have to tell you.", he said.
"Hush now, it's not necessary.", she replied, taking his hand.
"No, I can't go without telling you....I slept with your sister and your best friend...", he said.
His wife stroked his forehead, "I know dear, just relax and let the poison do its work."

[cobra de capell]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. It's worth reading to the end! Those of you who have worked with attorneys will find this very easy to understand. Others will find it easier.



ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year .
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twen ty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
_____________________ _________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started ar ound 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: &nbs p; Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[Ron61]

The Devil

People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at
the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the
front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away
from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one
elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming
oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do"
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying AGONY for all
eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And, you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid
of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 44 years."

[Ron61]

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. the finance committee
refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because
none the members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people ask, when they
learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or
catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... when the pastor says,
"I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. opening day of deer
season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. A member of the church
requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of"

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the choir is known as
the "OK Chorale".

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. in a congregation of 500
members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8 . You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people think "rapture"
is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a
#2 galvanized washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. the choir robes were
donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the collection plates
are hubcaps from a 56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... instead of a bell, you
are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. the minister and his
wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the communion wine is
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not covet"
applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if... the final words of the
benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya heah".

God Bless and don't fergit ta say yer prayers!!!

[cobra de capell]

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the husband out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he is in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He has probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he could kill us both. Be strong, honey I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey... I love you, too.

[cobra de capell]

True History of Mankind

This is the true account of how mankind has developed. Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef welldone. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.

Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, Airmen, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.

They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.


It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to irritate them.

[Ron61]

George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline


Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop
Using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That
would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would
come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When
they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a
canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he
wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military.
Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it.

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he
defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a
legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and
provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to
make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them
to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved.

[cobra de capell]

Husband and wife in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She: “Oh, that feels good.” His hand moves to her breast. She: “Gee, honey, that feels wonderful.” His hand moves to her leg. She: “Oh, honey, don’t stop.” But he stops.

She: “Why did you stop?”

He: “I found the remote.”

______

The NFL announced today that for financial reasons, they had to eliminate one team from the league. So they've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in costs.

They will be known as the TAMPACKS. Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string.

______

Announcement from Apple:

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBreast will cost $499 to $599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.


Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!”

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. “Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car,” he laments, “and she doesn’t even know how to drive!”

The third, a blond male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.

However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. “I have to laugh when I think about it,” he chuckles. “Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn’t even have a penis.”

[cobra de capell]

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.” The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.”

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross " Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

[Wes Tausend]

Whoops. My joke got aced out above.

[cobra de capell]

Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing.

After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water.

After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite.

Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."

Jethro asks, "What did you say?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."

Jethro again asks, "What?" Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!"
____

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to ask them what happened.
The Coroner tells the Inspector, "The first body is a 72 year old Frenchman. He died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."

"The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age. He won a thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, age 66, struck by lightning."

"Why is she smiling then?", inquires the Inspector.

"She thought she was having her picture taken!"
_____

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, “Daddy, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers,” pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, “What’s wrong, honey?”

She replied, “What happened to my booger?”

[cobra de capell]

1. go to www.google.com

2. click on "maps"


3. click on "get directions"


4. type New York in the first box (the "from" box)


5. type London in the second box (the "to" box) & hit "get directions" on the same line


6. scroll down to step #23 & #24

_____

[wizard]

Now how does someone discover that? That IS a hoot!

[Wes Tausend]

Originally Posted by cobra de capell

1. go to www.google.com

2. click on "maps"


3. click on "get directions"


4. type New York in the first box (the "from" box)


5. type London in the second box (the "to" box) & hit "get directions" on the same line


6. scroll down to step #23 & #24

_____

...

Then click on Get Reverse Directions at the top of Search Results.

Go down...

Step # 37: S*** Back


...

[cobra de capell]

Mac the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night all he could offer her was 50 cents and a pair of sneakers from Singapore. She refused with disdain.
He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again. Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could try Mabel down the road. But she warned him not to expect too much as Mabel was very unresponsive and would probably just lie there passively.

He found Mabel, and as times were hard she reluctantly agreed to accept the 50 cents and the pair of sneakers for her services, but told him not to expect any kind of response from her. Mac began the amorous act and after a few minutes was pleased to find an arm coming around his back. This was followed shortly after by a leg curling around his rear.

Mac, who had always fancied himself a bit of a Romeo, gasped, "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms."

"Don't worry about me, love," answered Mabel, "I'm just trying on them sneakers."

_____

A blond called her boy friend and said, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and can’t figure it out or how to get it started.”

Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blond said, “According to the picture on the box, its a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, were not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.

He took her hand and said, “Second,I want you to relax. Lets have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then…” He sighed…

“Let’s put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”

_____

At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, “I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?”

“Good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We save them up and
send them back to the candle makers, and every now and
then they send us a free box of candles.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that
his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he
went, in his obnoxious way: “What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?”

“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they Send us a free box of bread wafers.”

“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. “Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?”

“Here, too, we do not waste, “ answered the Rabbi. “What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.”
_____

[EarlsflyinCobra]

THE WASHCLOTH Ladies this has to be
read, laughed at and passed. There isn't a woman alive
today who won't crack up over this!

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist
later in the week.. Early one morning, I received a
call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had
been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had
only just packed everyon e off to work and school, and
it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office
took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to
spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort
over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I
wasn't going to be able to ma ke the full effort. So,
I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the
washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave
myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was
at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the
clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car
and raced to my appointment.

I was in t he waiting room for only a few minutes when
I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure
you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the
other side of the room and pretended that I was in
Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My,
we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't
we?" I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and
went home. The rest of the day was normal ... Some
shopping, cleaning, cooking.
;
After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing,
she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my
washcloth?"

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the
sink, i t had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside
it."

NEVER EVER GOING BACK TO THAT DOCTOR. EVER!