Jokes

[cobra de capell]

An old one - but oh so true.

The Republican Fisherman

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.

You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
_____

There are several politically neutral alternatives —

Sight picture: an eight-ounce glass containing four ounces of water.

Democrat: “OH, MY GOD!! This is an EMERGENCY! What will we do? Who will help us? I’m calling my congressperson AND my therapist!!”

Republican: “Who in the [censored] drank my water?”

Sight picture: A man drowning 25 feet off shore.

Republican, standing on a broad balcony looking down on the beach: “You should learn to swim! It’ll do you a wonder of good. I did, and look where I am today!”

Democrat, breathlessly running to the scene: “OH, MY GOD!! This is an EMERGENCY! Thank God the Government has shown me what to do!!” Whereupon he throws the victim a brand new, shrink-wrapped 100-foot coil of rope. Mightily pleased with himself, he quickly races off to save someone else.