Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The thin one leaned over and said, “Life is so darned boring. We never have any fun any more. For $5.00 I’d take my clothes off and str**k through that stupid flower show!”

“You’re on!” said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.

The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely n***d, str**ked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The smiling and n**ed old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

“What happened?” asked her waiting friend.

“I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement.”

[Ron61]

A little political humor for you.

This one is a little different..
Two Different Versions! Two Different Morals!

OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

MODERN VERSION:


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances
and
plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference
and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while
others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable
home
with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp
contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
everybody
cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house
where
the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Jesse
then
has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry
King that
the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both
call for
an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper
Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of
green
bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home
is
confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel
of
federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of
single-parent
welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last
bits of
the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just
happens to be
the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain
it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the
house,
now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the
once
peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote.