Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Gotta Love Little Boys

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'

'Eight,' the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me.

They're for him.

He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.'

[Ron61]

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"

Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

[cobra de capell]

GROANERS

1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.

Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 50,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."


(2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Many recent historians wondered for which team they were bowling. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

(3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

(4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever, if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls.

One day, the biologist's supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road.

Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them.

Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

(5) Back in the 1800's, the Tates Watch Company of Boston wanted to produce other products and, since they already had made many beautiful cases for watches, they used them to present the handsome compasses.

The new compasses, however, were so bad, that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.

This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He, who has a Tates, is lost!"

(6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues.

A police spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

(7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.

After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day.

After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling.

The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

(8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register.

His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

(9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.

All three be came pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.

This goes to prove that: the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

Also:

Resolving to surprise her husband on his birthday, an executive's wife stopped by his office - and found him with his secretary sitting on his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair that is safe to use."

The wife happily took hubby to lunch, leaving a very satisfied smile on the secretary's face......