Jokes

[Jamo]

Reopened for business...a bit of discretion with the jokes would be peachy.

[cobra de capell]

There were two brothers. One rich, the other poor.

The poor one used to complain that his rich brother ignored him.

One day, the rich one died. The poor brother turned up for the will-reading.

The lawyer said there was 50k for this and 100k for that, and 200k for the other. he ended the recital with,

"And to my brother, who says I've always ignored him, "Hi."
______

He. Would you go to bed with me for a million dollars?
She. Why,er, yes!
He. Would you go to bed with me for one dollar.
She. Certainly not, what kind of woman do you think I am?
He. We've already established what kind of woman you are. Now we're just haggling over the price.
_____

Here are the "Best Divorce Letter" and the "Best Response Thereto".

"Best Divorce letter"

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you. I've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks
have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You
ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't
love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.


Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

and then the......

"Best Response to a Divorce Letter"

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what
you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to
Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.


Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell And Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.