Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Subject: FW: Southern Living


Kentucky: The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, Everything but my earrings." You gotta love those Kentucky women.

Alabama: A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked." Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the success ful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

Louisiana: A senior at Louisiana was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

Mississippi: The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

Tennessee: A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

[cobra de capell]

Dirty Dishes ~


A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping around, answering ads in the newspaper, and not having much luck.

One day he comes across a beautiful, classic Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition.

He inquires about it with the owner, "This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape."

"Well" says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."

So the guy buys the bike...and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic being a Harley fan.

That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression.

When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm. "Honey" she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem" he says. And in they go. The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks... dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So...he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word.

So...he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

So...he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.

'Her Mom's kinda cute'...he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table.

Again,...total silence.

Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly...the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes!!!"

[dave from mesa]

A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk


She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.


Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.


It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, 'What's going on here?'


'My car broke down, officer' says the woman calmly


'Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?' he asks.


'Helllooooooo!!!!' says the blonde. 'Those are my emergency flashers!'