Jokes

[cobra de capell]

[cobra de capell]

A salesman was traveling through the country side, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. “Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it.”

The farmer was dubious.

“Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I’ll buy a whole case from you. and get everyone in the county to buy a case. We will make you rich.

The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer.

The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him.

The farmer was perplexed. “Son,” he said, “Now, you don’t have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?”

The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked, “Doesn’t that calf have a mother?"
_____


_____

Trip To Wal-mart

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20’s:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30’s:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40’s:

Stop what you are doing Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don’t want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter’s age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50’s:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don’t want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy’s bait shop and it says, “I Got Worms “.

In your 60’s:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap on your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50’s. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don’t have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70’s:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don’t even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80’s:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. F**t out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.

[cobra de capell]

[cobra de capell]

There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom. The other two men started talking. One man said, ''So what's new in your life?''

The other responded, ''Well I just found out my son got a promotion. He used to be a janitor at the bank and now he is an executive. On top of that there's someone special in his life. He just bought his new love a brand new Lexus.''

The other man says, ''My son also got a promotion and he has decided to settle down. He bought his new love a new house on the beach.''

The third man comes back from the bathroom. He looked kind of upset so the other two men asked what's eating him. He responded, ''I just found out that my son is gay. The good part is his lover bought him a brand new Lexus and a new house on the beach.''
_____

NEW AIRLINE RULES

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see
your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I
won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be$10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.

Passenger: No way!

Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't
believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?

Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.

[cobra de capell]

Joe had constant headaches for the last 20 years, so he went to the doctor.


The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.'

He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.'

Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.


Joe tried on the suit.. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'



Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'


'Been in the business 60 years.'


Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.


Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'


Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'


The salesman said, 'Let's see. size 36.'



Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'


The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

New suit - $650

New shirt - $75

New underwear - $15

Second Opinion - PRICELESS
_____

Dr. Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.'

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kaluha, a bottle of crown royal, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

[cobra de capell]

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE or in MLC (Mid Life Crisis) does it take to change a light bulb?

One Woman's Answer:

One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the # &%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !!

[cobra de capell]

[cobra de capell]

[Ron61]

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are
only 3 Survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.

They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple
of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.

After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt
absolutely horrible about what she was doing.

She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she
killed herself.

It was tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and, after
a while, nature once more took its inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren
began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.


So they buried Deirdre.

[BigGuy]

Diet Questions Answered


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is
this
true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...
don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you
can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer?
Take a nap.


----------------------------------------------------------------------


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?


A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green
leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.

---------------------------------------------------


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all.Wine is made from fruit.Brandy is distilled
wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get
even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of
grain.Bottoms
up!


----------------------------------------------------------------------


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one
to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


----------------------------------------------------------------------


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
Pain...Good!


----------------------------------------------------------------------


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in
vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables
be bad for you?


----------------------------------------------------------------------


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft
around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


----------------------------------------------------------------------


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's
the
best feel-good food around!


----------------------------------------------------------------------


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

-
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


************************************************** ***********************************


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have
had
about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of

arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but
rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the
other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO
HOO! What a
Ride'

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word
on
nutrition and health.

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
nutritional
studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than
Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than
Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart

attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks
than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and
fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what
kills you.

[427 S/O]

COMPUTER PROBLEMS



I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old
that lives next door ,whose bedroom looks like Mission Control,
and asked him to come over.

Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what
was wrong?'

He replied, 'It was an 'ID ten T' error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, 'ID ten T' error?

What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Richard grinned....
Haven't you ever heard of an 'ID ten T' error before?'

'No,' I replied.
'Write it down he said, and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T ... I used to like the little ****...........

[dave from mesa]

At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year
old.

Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after
their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms,
because she is concerned that her new, but aged, husband
may overexert himself if they spend the entire night
together.

After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for
bed and the expected 'knock' on the door.

Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is
Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one.

All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she
prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her
bedroom door, and it's Wally.

Again he is ready for more 'action.'

Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids
her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but aha! you guessed
it.....! Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as
fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.'

And, once again they enjoy each other.

But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride
says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you
can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less
than a third of your age who were only good once. You are
truly a great lover, Wally.'

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says:
.......'You mean I was here already?'

The moral of the story:

Don't be afraid of getting old, senior moments have
advantages!

[BigGuy]

Subject: Gun control




Barack Obama, the Presidential Democratic Party candidate, is for banning all guns in America . He is considered by those who have dealt with him as a bit more than just a little self-righteous.



At a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.



Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'



Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: ''Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!'

[BigGuy]

Even if you are not a golfer, you'll enjoy this one!

Golfing



A man goes to a golf course.....
He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop
and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie."
The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem,
but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is
this:
We just received 8 brand new
robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you
out on the course and come back and tell me how well it
works, your round of golf is on me today."
The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.
He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said
to himself, "I think my driver will do the job."
The robot caddie turned to the man and said,
"No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this
hole."
Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good
contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet
to the right front of the hole on the green.
The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and
thanked him for his assistance.
As the golfer pulled out his putter he
said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right."
The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir.
I do believe this green will break right to left"
Thinking about the last time the robot corrected
his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine.
He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the
robot and his advice.
But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the
best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance
of the new robot golf caddie.
Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the
counter asked, "How was your game ?"
The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever
played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of
your robots.
See you next week.
A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the
pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind
the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and
one of those robot golf caddies, please."
The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man
and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we
had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."
Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck
could've complained about those robots? They were incredible"
The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance.
It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the
sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way."
The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them
black?"
The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of
'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them
robbed the pro shop, and the other is running for President."

[BigGuy]

an Oldie........


Subj: Fw: Little Johnny Strikes Again



LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN....A grade school teacher in
Kentucky asked her stu dents to use the word¡fascinate'
went to my granddad's farm,and we all saw his pet sheep.
It was fascinating.'The teacher said, 'That was
good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not
fascinating'.Sally raised her hand. She said,'My
family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'The
teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted
you to use the word 'fascinate.'Little Johnny raised
his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned
by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was
no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she
called on him.Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater
with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only
fasten eight.'The teacher sat down and cried.!!!!!!!!

.

[BigGuy]

a friend Thought we would get a laugh out of this...


A guy from Wisconsin moves to Seattle and goes to a big "everything under one roof" retail store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid says "One."

The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for??"

The kid says "$101,237.65".

The boss says "$101,237.65?? What the heck did you sell??"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing
rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the
boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the
automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ''Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.”

.

[BigGuy]

got this from Dad yesterday........

SERENITY


Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'



The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.


I've sure gotten old! ?
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'





My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.



?





?




Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.



?





?



It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
?





?



These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'



?




?




THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.




?
?

?
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!
?
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.

.

[cobra de capell]

Dear Abby

I have two brothers, one works at Microsoft, the other was sentenced to death in the gas chamber.

My mother died of insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells drugs.

Recently, I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death.

I love this girl very much and want to marry her.

My problem is this:

Shall I tell her about my brother who works at Microsoft?

Sincerely,
Larry

[cobra de capell]

A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party. Later after knocking back a few drinks, he goes over to the new guy and asks him: "So... How do you like using second hand stuff?" The new husband replies "It isn't all that bad at all really. Past the first 2 inches, it's all brand new."
______

Stage one, you start to forget little things, like the names of people you know.

Stage two, you start to forget their faces.

Stage three, you start to forget all kinds of little things, like zipping up your zipper after you pee.

Stage four, you forget all the rest of the little things, like zipping down you zipper.
______

An Old Sailor Joke.

James, an old retired sailor, finds and puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, just for old times' sake.

Once there, he engages a local prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but
needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing'?

The prostitute replies, 'Well James, you old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'

Three knots?' he asks. 'What's the hell that supposed to mean?'

She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back.

[cobra de capell]

How do you know that your girlfriend is getting heavy? She starts to fit in your wife's underwear.