Jokes

[cobra de capell]

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
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How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't...there's a clock on the oven.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

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Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men?

Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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A man went to his bank manager and said:
'I'd like to start a small business; how should I go about it?'
'Simple,' said the bank manager, 'buy a big one and wait.'
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The bank returned a cheque to me this morning, stamped: 'Insufficient Funds.'

Is it them or me?
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The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three."
"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack," says the kid.
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Q. How do you define optimism?
A. A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.
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Q. What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A. The pizza can still feed a family of four.
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Overheard in a City bar:

"This credit crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife!"