Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Harry and His wife were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy morning.

Harry suddenly said, "Dear, if I were to die unexpectedly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" asked his wife.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don't want some other ass@@le using my stuff...."

His wife looked at Harry and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another ass@@le?"
_____

DAUGHTER TO HER MOTHER:

"The bad news is, they want to raise taxes on the wealthy. The good news is, if you buy me everything I want, you'll never be wealthy!"
_____

THE FLORIDA RETIREMENT SCENE

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'

The other replies, 'Oh, sure I do.'

The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'

The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'

After a few moments, the first old lady asks,

'Who drives you to the beach?'
_____

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community.

A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'

He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'

'So, where were you all these years?'

'In prison,' he says.

'Why did they put you in prison?'

He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'

'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'
_____

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds..
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car..

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it?

'Heavens no, we bought it.'

'Then why don't you drive it away.'

We can't drive.'

Then why did you buy it?'

'We were told that if we bought a Used car here
we'd get screwed ...so we're just waiting.
_____