The Liberal Code of Beliefs
I’m a Liberal because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
I’m a Liberal because I love the fact I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my horse.
I’m a Liberal because I believe
oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.
I’m a Liberal because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
I’m a Liberal because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
I’m a Liberal because when we pull out of Iraq I trust the bad guys will stop what they’re doing because they now think we’re good people.
I’m a Liberal because I believe people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday, CAN tell us the polar ice caps will melt away in 10 years if I don’t start driving a Prius.
I’m a Liberal because I believe business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.
I’m a Liberal because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who could NEVER get their agendas past the voters.
A Liberal has to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
A Liberal has to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
I’m a Liberal because my head is so firmly planted up my own butt, it’s unlikely I’ll ever have another point of view.
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There was a Pied Piper who said,
“We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me change it!”
*And the people said, “Change is good!”
Then he said, “We are going to tax the rich fat-cats,”.*And the people said “Sock it to them!”
“and redistribute their wealth.”
*And the people said, “Show me the money!”
And then he said, “Redistribution of wealth is good for everybody”
*And Joe the plumber said, are you kidding me?”
And Joe’s personal records were hacked and publicized.
*And one lone reporter asked, “Isn’t that Marxist policy?”
And she was banished from the kingdom!
Then someone asked, “With no foreign relations experience, how will you deal with radical terrorists?”
And the Pied Piper said, “Simple. I’ll sit down and talk with them and show them how nice we really are and they’ll forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!”
Then the Pied Piper said, “I’ll give 95% of you lower taxes.”
*And one, lone voice said, “But 40% of us don’t pay ANY taxes.”
So the Pied Piper said, “Then I’ll give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!”
*And the people said, “Show me the money!”
Then the Pied Piper said, “I’ll tax your Capital Gains when you sell your homes!”
*And the people yawned and the slumping housing market collapsed.
And he said, “I’ll mandate employer- funded health care for EVERY worker and raise the minimum wage.”
*And the people said, “Give me some of that!”
Then he said, “I’ll penalize employers who ship jobs overseas.”
*And the people said, “Where’s my rebate check?”
Then the Pied Piper actually said, “I’ll bankrupt the coal industry and electricity rates will skyrocket!”
*And the people said, “Coal is dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don’t care for that part about higher electric rates.”
So the Pied Piper said, “Not to worry. If your rebate isn’t enough to cover your expenses, we’ll bail you out. Just sign up with ACORN and your troubles are over!” Then he said, “Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let’s grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches, free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing.”
*And the people said, “Ole`! Bravo!” And they made him King!
And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others simply gave up and went out of business and the economy slowed even further. Then the Pied Piper said, “I am the Messiah and I’m here to save you! We’ll just print more money so everyone will have enough!” But our foreign trading partners said, “Wait a minute. Your dollar isn’t worth what it was. You’ll have to pay more.”
*And the people said, “Wait a minute. That’s not fair!”
And the world said, “Neither are these other, idiotic programs you’ve embraced. You’ve become a Socialist state and a second-rate power. Now you’ll play by our rules!”
*And the people said, “What have we done?”
But it was too late.
If you think this is a fairy tale, open your eyes and ears. It’s happening RIGHT NOW!
The Liberal Code of Beliefs
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