Interested in a new Road Serpent

[ERA535]

Dear Sir,

I am in the market for a new Cobra and would like some particulars on what you have to offer.

I am particularly keen on an aluminum bodied version.

I noticed one of you cars for sale on Ebay - while the picture was a little out of focus (?) it seemed to be a nice car.

Has your position regarding trades improved over the past year?

I would also like to know what kind of deposit you would require in order to reserve a place in line for a new car.

Thank you in advance for your kind response.

Pat Buckley

[Turk]

Dear Patricia,

We no longer manufacture the highly sought after ROAD SERPENT series. However we are still accepting deposits.

You will find some of our cars on EBAy, and some can be purchased directly from the US Marshall's Office. Please check frequently for the next Public Auction.

I think they are now liquidating some of our cars as well as some of our assets, in conjunction with the Internal revenue Service.

To answer your questions more directly....
For detailed explanation of our cars, and options you may want a get a copy of TURK SCOT'S book. "Everything you ever wanted to know but were too shy!"

We don't do aluminium. Too much work. We are planning a Lexan bodied car. Clear and see through. It should be nice.

If it was a nice car, it probably wasn't one of ours. The picture is in focus. That is the way our cars have always looked.

Nope! We have NOT changed our position on trades. We are still not accepting any stolen goods, unless you can give us a piece of paper telling us where you got it.

One thing about our company that separates us from the rest. We take any deposit you care to send in. $100s, and $500's will only get you a number, but no guarantees as to the date.

How much have you got?

TURK
Serpentarium
Customer Relations Dept.

[ERA535]

Thank you for your quick response -

I hope I am not intruding on your time .....

I must say some other manufacturers I have contacted recently regarding the purchase of a new car have yet to respond to me!!

Could you PLEASE tell me where I can obtain a copy of your book "Everything you wanted to know but were too shy!"

Thank you again!

[conway]

Dear Mr. Buckley,

I have a friend that has a hand formed alumium cobra car body that he had built in England , built by Williams/ Pritchard . He has everything for the car (except the radiator), 427 SO "Le Mans" engine , top loader trans. The body was formed off drawings so it is not symetrical. Very original , electrical parts etc. I think he wants in the high 20"s for everything !! I've seen the car It is worth a look. I wish I had the time/$$. This car has been on the road before, but he had an original style frame built.

Conway Chewning , Elizabeth City, NC 252-335-5463

Please call an I will give you his name and #

[Turk]

Mr. Buckley,
I think Amazon just started carrying my book. You could always wait until it comes out on the Big Screen.

When you mention "deposit" to us, we respond immediately. Now when it comes to delivering the goods, we have had our ups and downs.

Seems others want your business as well. Quick, send your deposit to us first. We don't care if you buy something else, but send your deposit to us. That is all we care about!

TURK
RS
VP

[bonyhadi]

Mr Conway!
Please post pictures. I think we can do business if you accept credit cards or paypal (unlike Road Serpents) To avoid the forthcoming planned legal action again counterfeits I don't want a similar looking vehicle to the Cobra. Also, please advise if the badges can be a delete option. Thanks!

[wilf leek]

Dear Mr Buckley. I am so pleased that you are a serious enquirer, we get too many of the tyre kicking flavour for our taste. It can become so very tiresome.

Here in little olde englande we have a fine manufacturer of bolides, I feel you would be proud to share in their heritage.

This company, whilst being properly considered a "low volume" manufacturer, has been satisfying the requirements of the discerning motorist for many years with products that are as wonderfully engaging as they are different.
Over the years, several fine models have been produced, and many of these are still in daily use by owners such as yourself.
If I am correct in my belief, the basic requirements that the owners be a) ancient, b)stingy, c)eccentric, and d)prone to wearing flat caps; would appear to be a perfect match with your very good self.

And so I welcome you to the world of the Reliant Robin, a matchless design with peerless road manners coupled with practicality and frugality. In addition, the need to waste money on four (huh) tyres is eliminated, as this design, fully patented and protected the world over, uses only three wheels to achieve what most struggle to do with four.
You will, of course, be fully conversant with the corrosion-free properties of a resin impregnated and fibre reinforced body structure, although I suppose the concept of an all aluminium engine might be a trifle advanced for you. However, trust me, it is a principle proven to work here in Englande, and, I note, recently copied by many in the far east.
So if you are seeking the very top of the tree in terms of real-ness, originality, and breeding, waste not your time on such vulgar appurtenances as the aforementioned "Road Serpent" and hie yourself across the water.
In fact, for the rumoured cost of actually getting a "Road Serpent" actually onto the road, I believe you could purchase the entire Reliant Robin manufacturing facility.
What a bargain!

You will, of course, be aware that ruthless opportunists have taken this fine design concept and turned it into a pastiche of it's former self, namely something called, I understand, a Koorvet. It is such a shame to see the fine, elegant, unmistakeably English lines of the original, bloated and blown up in such a way. But such is life. There are, I believe, antecedents.

[computerworks]

I'm glad to see a return to action and communications on this forum from the folks at Road Serpents.

I have been waiting since last fall for a Return Material Authorization for the items pictured below. I was assured that they were N.O.S. and that, if I was not satisfied, they could be returned.

UPS denied a claim that any damage was due to shipping, therefore I would like to return these items for credit. Please advise ASAP, or I fear I must post more details in the Consumer Watch section.

http://www.427sc.info/files/mvc-010s.jpg

[ERA535]

Mr. Leek,

Thank you for your solicitation, however I must tell you that it is a Road Serpent that I truly desire.

Whilst the image of a resin impregnated and fiber reinforced body structure titillate to no end, in the end it is aluminum that I am drawn to. I can also understand the economic and dynamic benefits of three wheels, what with the state of todays economy this area cannot, nay should not, be ignored!

I also appreciate full well the allure of exclusivity that your fine bolide offers - in actual fact what are the precise number of Reliant Robins currently traversing the highways of this great country?

One can only imagine the stares of disbelief and pure unmitigated amazement that surely are directed at this amazing little vehicle. One would, I am sure, need to be of the thickest hide to not be intimidated into reverting to public transportation rather than face this kind of attention!

By the way, I understand that the Mark 4 version of the Reliant will be offering the new 3 cylinder 38 horsepower version of the Twyne-Westland engine so well proven during the latter portion of the 1960's in the hands of Sir Ian Dunwiddy and his co-driver Hugh Lancaster-Haines. It is rumored that the transmission will also include synchromesh action on the two top gears - a welcome improvement in anyones book!

In closing, were I to rethink my position vis a vis the purchase of a Reliant I can assure you that you will be amongst the first to know!

Good day.

[ERA535]

Mr. Chewning,

Thank you for the lead.

I am sure that the car must be very interesting what with it being hand formed from drawings and all!

One can only imagine how "original" would take on a whole new meaning with a car like this. You mention that the car is not symetrical - is the left side a 289 and the right side a 427? It is easy to understand how one can do that, especially after a few beers.

What kind of frame did he use before he had the original style frame built ?- I am assuming that it probably had some sort of frame if it was on the road.

A friend once attempted to build a car from memory. He withdrew from organized society due to the level of ridicule that was heaped on him by who he thought were his friends.


Again, thank you for the lead but I have my heart set on a Road Serpent - for the money there are few cars that can match them. They take customer service, reliability, resale, authenticity, and pure "bang for the buck" to levels previously unimagined.

Good day.

[Jamo]

Mr. Turk
Road Serpents, Inc.

Sir:
The vehicle you sold me has a rather unique problem. When I purchased it, I specifically asked you about what I thought was a rather unusual engine location, ie., a significant setback. You represented that you had created this version specially for situations requiring assolutely neutral handling. Having lived with the vehicle for quite some time, I have discovered that when I get into the vehicle, the front tires lose contact with the ground due to the rearward weight bias. You obviously were aware of my substantial girth at the time of purchase and said nothing as I drove away...I found the cement blocks hidden in the front quarter panels about a month ago and removed them. That is when the permanent "wheelie" situation began whenever I get into the driver's seat. I will admit that once I am on a straight road, it is rather impressive, and that most other drivers of high performance vehicles do not want to race with me from stoplights. However, my wife is not real impressed with having to sit on the front of the car in order to accomplish turns.

I presume you have an explanation?

[ERA535]

Mr. Turk,

Thank you for responding to my request.

As I have previously stated, I have my heart set on a Road Serpent.

What would it take to resume production?

I have always loved the purity of design, engineering excellence , and all around coherence of your cars.

I am sure that a resumption of production would be very successful -

Assuming you solve your difficulties with the IRS - and you get your taxes done tonight - I believe that investors can be found to make another go of it.

In fact I have heard that there is a huge pool of semi skilled talent in the African country of Liberia who would be extremely excited about the prospect of work! You could do much the same thing that the Kirkham brothers did in Poland - but much, much cheaper!

Anticipating your prompt response,

I remain,

Pat Buckley

[Turk]

Gents,
Road Serpents is not ERA. I am no Bob Putnam.
You guys ask too many questions and probably expect bunch of answers.
We are a manufacturer, not an advice column. You want answers get a hold of Ann Landers. You want a car, send deposit. We have a reputation to uphold.

Mr. Pat Buckley,
We hold the detractors and critics responsible for our tax difficulties. If the ney sayers had left us alone, and the deposits for cars (yet to be built) kept coming in like the good old days, none of these difficulties would have surfaced.

We could have paid the taxes and built a few cars to satisfy the very vocal who have waited longer than usual and all would have been just peachy.
Someone had to go upset the applecart.

We still want to do business with ya. We like all the fancy words you have used to describe our cars. We couldn't have said it better ourselves. We could have, but we WOULDN'T!

Language barrier with foreign workers have made it difficult for us to employ workers from areas we do not understand the language.
Effective May-1-2002, we are closing our operations in New Jersey and Alabama.The translators were costing us a bundle, so we are moving all operations back to California and hope to employ English speakers if we can find any.

Will keep you advised of the new production schedules.

Did you send the deposit yet?
C'mon man. Don't make us beg! Please!!!

TURK
RS VP.

[Turk]

Mr. Jamonian

Yes we do.
There is always two sides to everything.
Next time please let us know (Truthfully) that there are two sides to you as well. I went and dug up the original paperwork.
Your loading requirements, and load carrying demands were obviously somewhat abbreviated. Now please tell us all, how much does the BOTH SIDES of you weigh.

Standing on one feet while weighing yourself, will not give us the true picture. We need your actual weight with both feet on the bathroom scale, before and after meals.

I read somewhere that you have spent an entire week in the bathroom once!! We have no springs that could set this car properly for the track. May we suggest keeping it on blocks and just using it as a planter. It is NOT drivable. Split axle rear end is not an option any longer. We discontinued the Cat-Diesel/Allison combo. Reliability issues. So, please go buy a Kirkham or something.

TURK
RS VP
Commercial Division

[Turk]

Mr. Computerworks

Is "WORKS" your last name? If it is, it works for us.
Sorry couldn't help it. Going back to our roots there for a moment. A lounge act in Vegas town in 1983. Barra boom!

We did give you three sequential RMA #s two weeks apart.

First one was RMA NO: 00061
Second one was RMA NO: 34882
Third one was RMA NO: 564993340

We usually don't have too many returns. We just had a bad btch of parts recently. UPS cut us off, Rodeway, Yellow freight won't touch any of our stuff. FedEx driver is suing us, because last time he was here he got bit by my sister. He won't come back.

So we have a small problem, don't we? Maybe you can drag that crap, I mean components to DVSFII with you, I will have our driver pick them up from you. Sorry for the delay.

I personally don't care if you take your grievances to Consumer Watch Area. Ooohhh we are sooo scared!

What is with you anyways? Haven't you caused enough grief for me and my sister? What do you want? Blood?
OK. Will aim to please.

BTW. They ARE N.O.S parts.

New Old SH*t.

TURK
RS V.P
Return Merchandise/Customer Relations Dept.

[Turk]

Mr. Leek

Cute name! I want to name one of our protoypes after you?
Wilf that be ok?hehehehe!

Some of our cars also Leek.

Would you consider adding that elegant English flair to our cars by becoming our European Distributor?
It doesn't take much investment. You can pay as you go.
Ready? GO!

Seriously learn from our brethern at Rolls Royce factory how to market our cars properly in your wonderful country. It is all in the presentation.

Just like R.R. Learn to say things like, Bonnet, and crap. Practice saying things like,
"Our cars do NOT break down! They just seize to proceed!"
That sounds so much better. With your fine command of the language, we should be able take England by storm.

Get the car exposed at soccer games, between scoring.
1-0? 2-1? give me a break. Those sound like odds, not scores for a sporting event.

So, are you ready to send in your deposit for a franchise and a distributorship? No checks please!

TURK
RS. VP
International Div.

[Specialk]

I sent in my deposit, and the girl at Road Serpents I spoke with on the phone (Dora, Doreen??) said my car is scheduled for delivery in the fall of 2005. Will this be the Anniversay Edition, or the standard model?

[wilf leek]

Dear Mr Turk.

Whilst I value your kind offer to become a European Distributor for the "Road Serpent" vehicles you despatch in pieces, I must regretfully decline.
Having discussed this with my business advisor, the Duke Of Leicestershire, we are of the opinion that the fine roads of Olde Englande should remain unsullied by such examples of poor taste as the "R-S".
We have a fine tradition of engineering excellence and breakdown services to uphold. Indeed, when I spoke with the chief design engineer at the Reliant factory, St John Colnes-Twickenham, he told me that he intends to introduce a far more effective means of lighting one's way in the dark to the Reliant, in the form of acetylene lamps. This is in a valiant effort to reduce warranty costs produced by the current supplier of electrified lamps, Joseph Licka$$ Ltd. We do know the Price of Darkness here.

We value fine lines and heritage above all else, certainly above such mundane issues as practicality and reliability, here in Olde Englande. We could not reconcile these values with the excresence you call a "Road Serpent", unless of course we could remarket it as a BMW?

Sir - I remain, etc.

[Turk]

Mr. Leek
Is that a "NO"?

TURK
RS.VP
See if I ever talk to you.

[Back in Black]

Just wondering, as a potential purchaser of your esteemed road race machine, what special features will I receive for my $140,000 (as per your e-mailed quote for the basic road serpent convertable)

Specifications? This was not mentioned in any of your literature, except that I was promised the ladies attentions should I be seen out and about in your machine......