Thy Commandments according to the NJRC

[mrmustang]

Behold, the Children of New Jersey were sore oppressed. Every man turned his hand against them, yea, even the builders of billet and the purveyors of plating, for they said, "They are not street rodders; they have not paid enough for their chariots, and all the world hath had a Kit Car Replica chariot as surely as all the world, save our parents Adam and Eve, hath a bellybutton." And they were loathe to allow the followers of our brothers and sisters to join their chariot festivals or appear in their monthly chariot scrolls.

And the providers of indemnity and the enforcers of the law and the priests of the NJDMV also oppressed them, for, they said, "They are surely not really what they seem to be, and they must be oppressed, or they shall surely multiply."

And the cries of the Children of New Jersey rose to the heavens, and they were heard by the Lord. And he looked down upon their misery, and he pitied them.

Wherefore, the Lord said to the children of New Jerset, "Verily, I say unto thee, all who construct the Kit car, Replicar and such , I have heard thy cries, and I shall help thee."

"Unto those of thy hobby who look down upon thee, I shall put envy in their hearts that thou hast great enjoyment in thy chariots, without the investment of great wealth. They shall see thee having fun, and they shall say unto themselves, 'Perhaps these are truly worthy chariots, and we have been unjust in scorning them. We shall invite them to our festivals of chariots, and we shall publish images of them in our scrolls, and we shall no longer treat them as fibergalss outcasts of doubtful lineage, as we have heretofor.'

"Unto the providers of idemnity, I say thou shalt provide a fair protection for a fair price reflecting your true exposure. Seek not to deny the Children of new Jersey their fair recompense in the case of loss due to accident, fire, or theft, or misterious disappearance lest the same be meted out to you, and you shall be cast into the outer darkness with the lawyers who have misled thee into iniquitous ways.

"And unto the enforcers of the law, I say unto them thou shalt not harass the Children of new Jersey merely for the enjoyment thereof. Remember that these are small chariots with many horses, and the temptation to make the tires cry out and their smoke to ascend up to the heavens is sore, and resisted only with great difficulty. Speak to the charioteers kindly, and they shall gladly assist thee in thy charities and even transport you in their chariots, making glad thy heart.

"And to the priests of the NJDMV, thou dost sorely tempt me to cast thee into the outer darkness with the lawyers and their slaves, where there is weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, for thou art surely a thorn in the side of the Children of New Jersey . I say unto thee, there are numerous ways to meet thy multitudinous requirements, but none seem to satisfy thee.

"And to the Children of New Jersey, thou shalt treat all these who have oppressed you in a kind and gentle fashion, though surely they richly deserve otherwise. Such treatment shall heap coals of fire upon their heads, for they knowest well they deserve it not, and it shall serve thee well to be thought of as not returning treatment in kind.

"Now, thou mayest legalize thy chariots by the following five methods:

"Thou mayest title thy chariot in accordance with the Chariot's title from the Church of What's Happening Now Street , providing that thy state of New jersey hath adopted this law. This is the best method, but yea, I say unto thee, such states are few and far between. If thou art fortunate enough to dwell in such a state, thy chariot shall be called by the year which it resembles, and thou needest only meet the chariot requirements for that year.

"Thou mayest buy an original vehicle with a title, discard all that thou needest not, and build thy kit replica chariot to thine own needs, then title it with the original title. This is the method that most suits the priests of the DMV, but behold, there be far too few original vehicles for this to work for everyone, and it is a waste of the few remaining.

"Thou mayest buy an original title for a vehicle that hath passed from existence, for rust they are, and unto rust they shall return, leaving only paperwork behind. Thou shalt stamp the original number of the beast, also called the VIN, into the frame, thou shalt have the vehicle inspected, and thou shalt present thy title to the priests of the DMV. Tell them, "Lo, I bring forth a title for a replica chariot which I have purchased, and pray thee to stamp thy approval upon it with metalic tags.' Thou shalt not mention the words hot rod, kit car, nor "built" in the presence of the priests of the DMV, for surely they will find thy paperwork wanting.

"Thou mayest send thy paperwork to a title laundering service, which shall provide thee a new title due to the many black voids to also be known as loopholes of their state. Then thou shalt present thy new title to the priests of the DMV, again heeding mine admonitions of when to speak, and when to keep thy counsel to thyself, thus holdd thy tonque.

"Thou mayest present thyself as a vehicle manufacturer to the DMV, having built a truly new and marvelous chariot. Be thou warned, however, that thou must present the chariot to the inspectors, who will test whether it well and truly is a new chariot. Thou must prove that thou hast provided all the current things required by the king of thy country, being safety restraints, door reinforcement, air bags, ABS brakes, and emissions controls. Whilst thou do this, remember that no new chariot since 1987 hath passed thy nation's laws regarding the clean breathing out of the horses without a number machine controlling the injection of the oats. If the wise men and alchemists of GM, Ford, and Chrysler hath not found a way to make a clean horse with a carburetor, what chance hath thou? Therefore, this last method shall be used only in very limited cases."

Thus spake the Lord to the Children of new Jersey!

[John McMahon]

Bill,

Are the local constables about to arrest you for Pedophilia?

You been talking some weird chit lately.

[trularin]

Bill,

Did you take your medication before of after this blast? LOL

Too much.

[clayfoushee]

Bill,

Whether you scrolled that with or without the aid of medication of any kind, it was in fact a masterpiece.

Thanks, I enjoyed it!

[mrmustang]

Guys, I gave credit to the NJRC (New Jersey Replicar Club) on this one. It is not mine, just came over via email on our off line mailing list last night, thought I would share it with you, as it was far too funny not to.


Bill S.

[trularin]

Bill,

I agree, a masterpiece.

[JWheaton]

I reached for my sword and shield to protect those children after reading that piece. Luckily, as I got out of my chair I fell and hit my head and came back to reality.....